Oh January...

It's near the end of January, I can hardly believe how fast time can fly.  January wasn't too eventful.  I aged a year, yuck, sometimes birthdays are such a mean reminder of age! You can't escape it.  Birthdays have been painful since 30.  I try not to let it bother me, but I do have friends who like to razz me, since they are younger. So, there is no escaping it!  It was on Friday the 13th too, and I say, things didn't go as I had planned.  Addie had strep throat, so she stayed home and I had to cancel lunch with my friends.  Then, I had waited and saved the movie "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them" for my birthday movie, just to find it was no longer in theaters.  And then my Mother in law was going to keep Porter and Addie overnight, but was no longer able to.  So, lot's of misfires, but overall it was a good birthday.

Addie's strep throat, now that was a major ordeal!  Ugh! Insert major eye roll here! Geez! We got back from Utah, and we had the sick going around. Porter had it first, the thursday before school got back in, so both kids missed Friday, the first day back. Don't get me started on how stupid it is to start school back on a Friday?! Psh.  So, Monday, we were all better, so I thought.  Everyone went to school, Addie was a little nervous about it, but no big deal.  But I got a call from the school at 10:30 that she wasn't feeling good.  They took her temperature and it was normal.  My feeling was that she was trying to get out of it.  So I told them to see how she did.  She had a meltdown when she heard I wasn't coming, and I talked to her on the phone.  She sounded sincere, so I went to get her.  I took her home, and she seemed a little off, but not bad.  Her temperature never went up.  The next morning she was a little green and seemed more sick. She complained of her tummy hurting. But no fever, and no diarrhea.  I figured it was what Porter had, which I believed he got from his cousin in Utah when we were on our trip.  Thomas stayed home while I taught my class.  Addie said she had vomited while I was gone.  She did it in a bucket and rinsed it out. Thomas was asleep, so couldn't verify.  Not saying I didn't believe her.  But, she had no symptoms!  So Wednesday, she said she felt dizzy when we woke up, so I let her stay home again.  Later that afternoon she got her appetite back, ate a burger, and seemed to be feeling better.  So, I sent her to school Thursday.  She didn't want to go, but she seemed to be on  the mend. No fever this whole time.  I got an email from the teacher that she had a rough day and that she didn't eat any of her lunch.  That bothered me.  So, after school I took her to the doctor. The moment I told her we were going, she said she felt better, of course. But we went anyway.  He examined her, and she seemed to be fine. No fever, no red throat, no cough, no visual symptoms.  He decided to draw some blood and see what might be going on, and then maybe give her some anti-nausea medicine. But then he paused, and decided to try to do a strep test, on a whim. Lo and behold, it came back positive?!  Apparently there are different groups of strep, and her symptoms were a little more like an adult.  Upset stomach, dizziness, but no fever.  So we got her on her antibiotics. And she missed friday.  Saturday she was acting like herself again. Come Monday, she was fine to be at school, having taken the antibiotics long enough to not worry about being contagious anymore.  So basically, she had just had 2 weeks off of school, plus a week off of being sick.  And suddenly came down with a serious case of anxiety about school.  When we pulled up to drop her off, she had a major meltdown.  I pulled off to the side of the road, and she was telling me all sorts of things. "my tummy hurts" "I am scared" "i hate school"  "I am nauseated"  "I am really really serious"  "I am not even kidding"  "I want to go home".  Now,  I knew she was better, I live with the girl! But what do you do here?!  I tried to wait for her to calm down, and understand that coming home wasn't an option.  She worked herself up worse.  So, I had to walk her to the door, boo hooing the whole way.  I stopped at the door and she wouldn't go in?!?   I tried to bribe, I tried to threaten consequences. But here she was causing a huge scene and refusing to go in.  After 10 minutes of trying to get her in, the school coach trying to help, I walked into the office. She followed.  I explained she was having a major meltdown, that she had been sick and was better, and didn't want to be at school, and please take her.  Luckily, this is a Kindergarten and 1st grade only, and she wasn't the first kid to act like this, so the counselor came out and gently pulled her in.  I left, with steam flowing from my ears I am sure.   What in the world?!?!  I emailed her teacher with warning, of the meltdown.  We had a long talk after school, about how we don't need to act like that.  Addie loves school, and once I left, she was fine.  So, that big show, was for me?! Thank you! but no no no thank you!  Tuesday, it was worst.  We pulled up to the last teacher, and she had to physically remove her, as Addie grabbed the seats.  We had to just drive away. I called Thomas in tears.... what the heck?!  Why is she doing this?!!!  WHen I picked her up, the counselor knocked on the window and said that she did better that day, and we just needed to keep dropping her off and it would get better.  At least the school was helping! We had another talk about it, about breathing, about have positive self talk, telling yourself that you can do it.  Wednesday was by far the worst.  Screaming, kicking grabbing at the seat.  You think I was dropping her off to prison!  But the crazy thing is she loves school!?  This was some kind of crazy separation anxiety that appeared out of nowhere?!  I bribed her with play dates and treats.  Thursday, there was a stack of bribes lined up, and though she cried in the car on the way, she got out and went in.  I thought we were done with it. Nope!  Friday, was another crazy day, of being pried out of the car.  I was at my wits end.  We decided to change things up the next week.  If she had a melt down Monday, Thomas would take her the rest of the week.  So, that Saturday, we went to the school and practiced walking in.  She loved it! Porter opened the door like the teacher, and she ran in.  We looped around a bunch of times, and tried to show her that it was fine.  Monday came, and right before we walked out the door, the water works turned on.  I just couldn't do it, we got in the car and the tears escalated. I asked her if she would walk in without help, and she wouldn't answer me.  I couldn't start this week like this, I had felt so angry at her, I was tired of being mad at her.  So, I took her back inside and told Thomas he would have to take her.  I secretly hoped she would continue to cry so he would understand how hard it was.  But when she went in, he spanked her bottom, real calm, without anger, but kind of to wake her up.  She got her crying out. They were late to school, but he said when he walked her in, she was fine.  The next day, he was supposed to take her, as per our consequence, but had jury duty, so I had to take her. Gulp.  But the craziest thing, she walked right in, no tears! Nothing?!?!  What in the world?!  And every day since, she has been fine, no tears at all?!  I guess she just needed a reset?! And I am so glad that that is over!

Random Porter selfie on my phone! haha!

Porter has been doing awesome, in school, and home and everywhere. He has his moments, but he is a different perspective of school this year......FINALLY!  Well, I introduced him to the Harry Potter books, and he has taken off with reading!  I know to some other kids who have been reading since they were 2, that being 11 and reading Harry Potter, he might be a little late to the game.... but he really had no interest before.  But he is already on book 6, and has all his AR points, which have never  been important to him before.  He is turning into a young man?! It's crazy! He is starting to have an itch to cook.  With scouts, they did that a few times, plan and prepare a meal.  But just the other day he wanted to learn how to make Chicken Enchiladas, which are one of his favorites.  So, I taught him, and he did a fantastic job!  He is a left handed, so sometimes it is painful to watch how awkward that must be to stir stuff. He is a messy cook, but so am I , and I don't have the excuse of being left handed.  I wish he would figure out that teasing and messing with Addie constantly is what gets him in trouble.  It's like they are too far apart in age to be friends, so they settle for enemies?!  I don't know. They have their moments.  But, he is sweet as can be to Ellie! I just need to be patient, I remember how much I detested my little brothers, and know they are some of the dearest people to me!  Patience and time will change things!

Ellie is doing great!  Growing like a champ.  We have started feeding her more regularly baby food.  It had taken her a while to not just spit it out.  But she has mastered it a little more.  She is very interested in food, and is very close to watch as we eat.  She grabs when she can!  I am trying to be very good and introduce vegetables first, like the doctors and dietitians say, so that she will eat them instead of refuse them for the sweet stuff.  She has had green beans, squash and carrots, and received them well.  Her face is hilarious when you put that first spoonful in her mouth, but then she gets to chomping away, or gumming away rather!

Ellie had her follow up to her cardiologist.  She had those 2 little holes in her heart that we were watching.  They had a hard time getting her blood pressure.  I am not sure why they need her blood pressure taken from both arms and both legs, but they do.  And little Miss Pudgy has such thick little legs, that the little cuff wouldn't fit and the bigger cuff had a hard time reading her blood pressure.  So they had to do it several times, make her poor little legs so red.  But she never cried, just watched, and smiled at the nurse.  Then she had an EKG.  And then we did the echocardiogram.  She was so good and still for that.  They had FInding Nemo on the TV and she just watched and watched.  And great news!  No more holes!!  The doctor could still hear a slight murmur, but wasn't worried about it.  Ellie's pediatrician can't hear the murmur, but I assume the cardiologist might be the more accurate one.  But it is very small, and the holes closing are fantastic!  And we don't have to go back for a follow up, so even better!!!

Ellie is starting to be much more smilely!  And giggly! And talkative!  She is just getting more and more interactive and it is so much fun.  When she chuckles a big chuckle, you can't help but join in!  I really need to get it captured on video, it will just warm you heart and make you laugh and cry at the same time because it is so stinking cute!

We had a very exciting visitor today at Church!  Elder Jeffrey R Holland!  Huge deal! An apostle of the Lord, speaking to us!  He is such a wonderful speaker and so uplifting.  It was such a blessing to have him speak to our small congregation.  He spoke of the Sacrament.  It was funny, because it was only supposed to be the two Clinton Wards, but of course, some of the stake caught wind, so we had lots of visitors.  Which is great, but it did make Sacrament tricky, and we ran out of water, so they had to refill cups and we were all biting our nails! Ha.  But, Elder Holland spoke on that, and that he loved that for that 7 minutes, we were all focused on the Sacrament.  And that we need to remember just how important the Sacrament is, and how important it is to take it weekly, to truly utilize the atonement, and renew our covenants.  He spoke of the Savior's sacrifice.  He spoke so much of the crucifixion.  It is so hard to truly think about our Savior, dying on the cross for us.  But what he added was that he died from a broken heart truly.  That when the guard came by and stabbed the Savior, that water and blood poured from his body.  And at that point in the crucifixion, his body shouldn't have reacted that way.  But that very literally his heart burst and broke, for all of us.  What he suffered for my sins, is humbling.  It renews my senses to understand the things I do, affect those around me, affects my Savior.  If I can strive and live to be a better day by day, I can, in sense, save the Savior from some of His suffering on my behalf.  It was such a wonderful Sabbath day.

For Time and For All Eternity

Every other year we go to Utah for Christmas, because my family is there, and I kind of love them. The weird thing is, when I am with them, I miss them.  I am right there with them, but my heart misses them so much. I guess I just don't realize how much they mean to me, until I am with them.  I do miss them when I am away, but being with them makes me ache to stay forever.  It is always hard to say good bye, because honestly, I don't really know the next time I might see them.  Of course we plan to be there every other Christmas and sometimes during the summer and for weddings.... but circumstances can interrupt plans.  So I always hate to say goodbye, because I long to be with them.  Of course I love my home here and my family here, I just wish I could have them all in one place all the time.  Saying good bye is the hardest.  It reminds me of Pres Uchtdorf's talk, Grateful in Any Circumstance, he said:

"We Are Not Made for Endings

In light of what we know about our eternal destiny, is it any wonder that whenever we face the bitter endings of life, they seem unacceptable to us? There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings.

Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny.

The more we learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ, the more we realize that endings here in mortality are not endings at all. They are merely interruptions—temporary pauses that one day will seem small compared to the eternal joy awaiting the faithful.

How grateful I am to my Heavenly Father that in His plan there are no true endings, only everlasting beginnings."

In light of that, we are made of the stuff of eternity! And I hope that the time away from my family only feels like an interruption.

Whenever I am with my family, and with friends that I don't see often, I am grateful for the love that bounds us together. I am grateful for the Gospel that binds us.

This trip to Utah was more than just a Christmas trip.  14 years ago in May , Thomas and I were married for time and all eternity in the Salt Lake Temple.

     The Salt Lake Temple is probably the most beautiful temple on earth! At least it is to me.  It represents my eternal love for my husband.  It represents that my family can be together forever, not just here on earth, but for in the life to come.  Eternal families is such a beautiful concept, and one that makes me strive to be the best that I can.  For those of you who may not know all the different "Mormon" beliefs, this is one you should! We believe that through the sealing powers of the priesthood, that families can be sealed together forever. And that when we die, that we can live together, forever, as families.  We believe that this can only be done in the Temple, by one who has the sealing power.  Since Thomas and I were married in the temple, both Porter and Addie were born in the covenant, meaning they were automatically sealed to us, because they were born unto us after we were sealed. I love the temple!  Ever since I was little, my favorite primary song was "I love to see the temple". That song has always meant so much to me.  And this particular temple has always meant so much to me.
     Since Ellie was adopted, she wasn't born into the covenant.  So, we needed to have her sealed to us. It only made sense to us to do it in the Temple that we were married in.  So a big part of our reason to visit Utah this year, was to have our sweet little Elles Belles sealed to us forever, in the Temple, where it all began for us. Another "everlasting beginning".
   I scheduled the Salt Lake Temple for the sealing, probably the day after the adoption was finalized.  I wanted to give everyone enough time to plan to be there.  The neatest part to me was that Porter and Addie were going to be able to be in the Celestial room with us during the sealing.  We wanted to make sure that they would be prepared for such a special and sacred experience.  We got it scheduled for December 30, 2016, which also happens to be Porter's half birthday (darn it, I forgot to get him half a cake to celebrate with!)  The Temple was beautiful in May, when we got married, but it is even beautiful in the cold weather, and temple square all decorated in the amazing Christmas lights!

    I wasn't sure exactly what to expect, I have never witnessed a sealing of a baby to a family through adoption.  We invited our family and some of our dearest friends.  We scheduled the temple at 3:00 pm, we had to be there an hour and 45 minutes early.  Of course, me and my incessant need to be on time, we were 15 minutes earlier than they asked.
  Before we went, I knew that at some point we would be separated from the kids for a little while, I wasn't sure how long.  But I wanted to prepare the kids for this, mostly Addie.  I told her, "Addie, some of the nicest people you will ever meet work in the temple" And she responded, "So, some of them are mean?!?!"  I tried the re-explain, " What I mean is, all the people in the temple are so nice, some of the nicest people in the world. There still are plenty of nice people outside of the temple. But, the ones inside are super nice!"  I think she got it! Ha.  Earlier this week she had said to me, "Mommy, I know what I want to do when I grow up.... work in the temple"  Sweet girl!  Of course no one gets paid to work in the temple, but it has to be the most wonderful place to be serving!
  We got all ready at the hotel. Porter had lost his belt, so we had to borrow mine.  Very minor set backs and I expected more. I expected us to have a rough morning, but luckily we didn't.  Before we left, we said a prayer.  Addie offered to say it. We hesitated.  For the most, Addie's prayers are a little rote, and she mostly prays for random things. Today was such a big day, we wanted it to be just right. But she was so earnest, and how can you say no?!  She said the sweetest most heartfelt prayer that she has ever said.  She prayed that we would be prepared for the temple, and that we would feel the Spirit.  It was so tender and special!
   We arrived to the temple early, like I had mentioned, and I instantly felt emotional.  The most wonderful part about the Temple is that you can feel the Spirit so strong, like it almost makes it hard to breathe, but in a good way!  They took us to the youth center for the children.  I never knew such a room existed in the temple!  It was filled with tons of fun toys and activities, and the sweetest sisters.  We gave them the kid's sizes and instructions for Ellie and when she would be hungry.  They would help the kids get dressed and would keep them until it was time for the sealing.  I'm not going to lie, I was worried that Porter and Addie might get into one of their little fights, of teasing and whining.  You hope that your kids will behave, especially in the temple, but all you can do is hope.  We gave them hugs and kisses, and they let us go without any trouble.  I worried Addie wouldn't like to be left there. But the sisters were so sweet and inviting, they had no trouble saying goodbye.
   Thomas and I changed clothes and were taken to the Celestial room to wait for the sealing.  It was nice to spend time in that special room.  We actually saw Alex Boye there, with his wife!  Random Mormon celebrity encounter! Ha! Too bad he didn't sing for us! ha, kidding!  I found the Bible and decided to read again in Ephesians, the same book I read in the Nashville temple, when I was trying to figure out if we should continue trying to get pregnant or if we should pursue adoption.  It all has come full circle.  It seemed right to read the same scripture that lead me towards the path of adoption...
Ephesians 1: 4-6
4 According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:

 5 Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will,

 6 To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.

  It seemed like we waited forever.  I was getting anxious that they had forgotten about us and that all our guests were wondering where we were.  That's just me! Neither Thomas nor I had a watch, for it probably felt longer than it was.... plus my need to be early just made us wait longer!

  Finally it was our turn to go to the sealing room.  My Dad served with a Bishop, who's Father is a temple sealer.  So we had requested him, Brother Koelicher, to perform the ordinance.  He is a kind, soft spoken man..... pretty much everyone in the temple is kind and soft spoken.  We gave him the reader's digest version of Ellie and how she came into our family.  We spoke of the long journey in the NICU.  He understood the ups and downs of the NICU, two of his grandchildren were in the NICU, one survived it, one didn't.  You could feel the pain.  The NICU is a rough place.... and though I never allowed myself to accept the reality of that painful outcome, I know it happens, and my heart aches for those families.
We made our way to sealing room number 13.  You might think, 'oh, that's unlucky' But, I was born on January 13th, 13 has never scared me!
What a magical moment to enter that room, and see so many loving faces of family and friends who mean so much to our family.  To me going to the Temple, there is always a feeling of familiarity to it. The veil is thin.  It feels as though we knew each other before, and that we will see each other again. It is what I imagine Heaven will be like.  Doctrine and Covenants 130:2 sums it up:

2 And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy.

I think you get a small taste of that eternal glory, they speak of, inside the temple.

We sat down and smiled at all our loved ones. We had so many special people there. Family. Family that traveled from Mississippi just for this moment.  Old friends. Missionaries that have touched our lives. Friends who are new, but who feel like we have always known them, who took time out of their own vacation to join us.  I felt such a great measure of love in that room, it was palpable.

But the crowning event happened when our sweet, beautiful children entered that room.  They walked in slowly, all dressed in white.  Ellie was in a little stroller, her face angelic with curiosity. I don't know if there was a dry eye in the room.  I felt as though my heart would burst with joy.  Thomas couldn't hold it back, it was tender. He is a pretty tough guy, and doesn't show a lot of emotion, I hardly ever see him cry.   It was moving to see him so touched.  The ceremony was performed and it was so wonderful to finally be able to say that Ellie is ours, forever.  Yes, the finalization of the adoption was huge, but this was the most important thing to happen.  This mattered more.

 As a family, we were able to look into the mirrors. There are mirrors on two facing walls, they are called “Mirrors of Eternity”: When you attend a celestial marriage or a family sealing in the temple, you’ll notice mirrors on each side of the sealing room. These mirrors reflect images back and forth that seem to go on forever. This enduring reflection symbolizes our divine nature and destiny, reminding us that temple ordinances and covenants unite us eternally in God’s presence.
It was such a sacred moment, to be in a sealing room in the temple, with ALL my children and looking through the mirrors.  Representing eternity as a family unit.  This is what it is all about. Returning to our Heavenly Father together, forever.  You see no beginning and you see no end. 'Endings are not our destiny.'

We didn't take pictures of us all in white, simply because it was bitter cold outside, and we wanted to get the kids situated and fed.  I kind of wish we had.... but forever I will have the image of us inside the mirrors in my mind and in my heart.  I had my Mom snap a few pictures of us on the Temple grounds. I wish we had got more pictures with the family and friends who came.  I hope they truly know how much it meant to our family for them to be there in such an eternal moment in time for us.  As we walked outside to take pictures, Thomas said, "I hope this doesn't make you mad Sarrah, but this was way better than our wedding day!"  I whole heartedly agreed.  I didn't think something could top our wedding day, or the birth of our children, or the adoption of Ellie, but this did.  This was the moment we had been waiting for.  This was our moment.  This is our fulness of joy.  Life isn't about things and stuff, it isn't about how much you weigh, it isn't about what clothes your wear or how pretty you are. It isn't about how big your house is, or what kind of car you drive. It isn't about how many people 'liked' your picture on facebook or instagram. It isn't about if you are the smartest, or the funniest.  It isn't about what you are going to eat next. It isn't about all the things the world wants you to think it is.  What life is all about and should be all about is simple.... it is about love, it is about family.  It is about the time that you spend loving your family. The memories you make. It is about working through the hard stuff to become better and stronger as a family unit.  It is about teaching your children in light and truth. It's about being the best you can together. Loving others, serving others. Following our Savior and patterning our lives after His. It is about living a Christlike life every day, not just on Sunday or Christmas. Every day. Be Better, Love Better.

A Glimpse of Christmas

I wanted to break up the posts about our Christmas vacation into two... just because!  This is a little glimpse at our Christmas and Christmas vacation! A lot of the pictures are out of order, blame it on laziness to sort them out!  I needed to down load them separately, but instead I did it all at once and they are all jumbled together! Sorry! Hope you can figure out, we had a nice Christmas and a wonderful trip with family.  But the icing on the cake will be in the next post!

Let's start with pictures!

First Tooth on Christmas Day!

Lucy, Ellie & Emersyn

Sweet cousins meet for the first time!
Porter says Ellie is like the baby Hagrid of the babies!

licorice ice cream! i've only ever seen it in Utah!

Big icicle!

Cute Emersyn

Canaan  & Kayla

The following are a series of pictures by Porter and Addie
of our trip to Utah, interspersed with pictures of
Christmas morning

Emy

My sister and her kiddos, Grace, Emy, Caleb & McKay

Gabe

Izzy

Abby

Griff

My sister in law, Linsday

My Brother Jake

My brother Dhylan

Jazzy

Lizzy

My sister Caitlin and her husband Daniel

My Mom and Chipper

Me and my sisters, Jen and Cait, and Cait's baby Emersyn

My brother, Josh and his beautiful wife Jennyrose

Gotta love her crack!

Stevo & Kayla

My Dad and Porter