Life in the 'sipp: Week 7 with Ellie

NICU

Week 7

* June 15, 2016 Weight 2.018 Kg ( 4lbs 7 oz, slight drop)

!!!!! 6 weeks Old today!!!!!

A little drop in your weight, but not too much! So many neat and wonderful things happened today! I got a phone call from the hospital, which always scare me, but asking if they could feature you in a educational film! Grandma Sally will be so proud you are being filmed at such a young age! They promised to send me a copy when it is completed! Just a fun little thing.

I got another call from the hospital around noon. It was the NP. She gave me an update on how you were doing. It wasn't anything I didn't already know. But then she did tell me something so exciting. You would be moved upstairs to intermediate care in the newborn nursery. Of course it was bitter sweet, because of the sweet NICU nurses I have grown to love and appreciate for the amazing care they gave you. I was hoping it meant your brother and sister could see you, but NICU rules still apply. HOWEVER, they have a window!! So, if we time it right, we could come to see you and Porter and Addie can peek through and see you for the first time! So that was exciting news for us!

Sweet angel! If you look at this pic sideways
it looks like you are smiling!

I got to the hospital and you were all by yourself on the row. And I knew soon you would be making your way upstairs shortly. You were sleeping so peacefully. I wonder if your dreams are still filled with heaven. I got to hold you and feed you your last bottle on the NICU floor. You were a champ and decided to show off and take 47mL! The most to date! You are scheduled to take at 39 mL. Show off ;)

Last moment in the NICU

Then, after you ate, we made the journey upstairs. We hardly got to say good bye to all the sweet nurses who were so awesome, but I know, though they will miss you, they are happy you are progressing! Good thing we brought our thank you cookies up there yesterday! The journey wasn't very long, but we got you situated.

Headed out

Through the doors

So long NICU!

It is basically a NICU, but much smaller.

Only 15 babies up there, compared to the 60-100 babies they keep down in the NICU. It is a little tight and small, but you have plenty of room to grow!! I am excited by your growth. I asked the nurse what benchmarks we needed to reach for you to go home. She said you had to reach the following:

*Reach 35 weeks your gestaional age..... That's TODAY!

* Breathe Room Air.......Done!

*Drink exclusively from a bottle..... you have a bottle every other feeding

*Be at least 5 lbs.... you are about half a pound away.

*7 days free of spells........that is what we will be praying for... No more spells! We aren't quite there.

But I get the feeling, 2 maybe 3 more weeks! That isn't very much longer?!! I need to get busy and get the crib painted! I painted the changing table, but I still need to distress it! So much to do! But I am excited!

Soon you will be home, in our arms forever!

All settled upstairs

Goodness you are so pretty!

*June 16, 2016 Weight 2.080 Kg ( 4 lbs 9.2 oz)

You completed your full 24 hours upstairs. The nurse told me you did have a few spells after I left. The transition may have been a little rough. New places, new spaces. They decided not to change much of anything, and just allow you to adjust. So you are still on 39 cc of milk. The nurse said it was every other feeding with the bottle. However, the resident said, every feeding would be bottle, and whatever you didn't get through the bottle, they would put through your feeding tube. They give you Zantac every 8 hours, you still get caffeine in the morning to combat your spells, and you get Vitamin D and Iron through your feeding tube.

I am not sure how I feel about this new nursery. It is very quiet. Which I am not complaining about, but at least in the NICU, it was loud enough that I could hum to you and talk to you and no one would really here my because it was so loud. So, I will just have to get over my inhibitions and hum away to you!

You are doing so good, we just need to get this apnea spells over with, so we can get your sweet self home! I fed you today, and you ate like a champ, 45 mL! You always show out for Mama!

Today the baby next to you had a terrible spell. Well, mostly he hadn't been burped enough, and vomited up in the air. The nurse responded quickly and cleared his mouth and he let out a huge belch. To them it was probably not that upsetting, just part of it. I just imagine something like that happening at home. I was right next to him, holding you, and i didn't even notice it, until the alarms went off! Oh girl. I will have to have some kind of apnea machine at home, or I won't get any sleep every again, because I will be constantly watching you! I know I can't be over zealous, but I can and WILL be extra cautious and vigilant. I have a monitor on order!!

This is how I found you today.

Nice and happy after a nice big bottle!

*June 17, 2016 Weight 2.137 Kg ( 4 lbs 11 oz)

Hey Miss Thang! Today was kind of special. I had pumped all week and brought in the milk today. It was enough for you to have an entire bottle, with some left over, of certified Sarrah milk! 50 mL is what I brought! You are up to 40 mL on your feedings. So it was great to be able to give you that. I know all around it is very little in the grand scheme of things, but it is also a pretty big thing too in the grand scheme of things! The start, the beginning!

The hospital had me take infant CPR. Hopefully I will never have to use it. But this is my second time to take it in less than a year, so hopefully I will be able to step up and do it, if needs be.

You continue to have some apnea spells. A lot of the times these occur during feedings. I think you are still trying to figure out the whole suck to swallow and breathe at the same time. It will take time. You would think I would have learned patience by now, but I am doing better at it.

I miss the NICU, the loudness of it, gave a sense of privacy, more than this quiet space with less babies.

Daddy and I came up to see you tonight after we had dinner. I was able to feed you a second bottle. You weren't as excited to eat, and kind of got sleepy. But you drank 40 mL on the dot! You have come so far! You are such a little angel, and we love you so much!

Getting a little fat on your arm!

I LOVE this picture of you! Little Angel!

* June 18, 2016 Weight 2.140 Kg ( 4 lbs 11oz, only 3 grams heavier than yesterday)

Today started out great! It was your baby shower!

The cute invitation!

I will have to brag a little bit, but I think that I have the best friends a girl could ask for! It was simply beautiful and amazing! I just felt so loved today, my cup runneth over! I had always hoped and pray for another baby, and wondered when would be my chance to have a shower to celebrate a new baby. And it was today! I wasn't sure if it ever would come, but it did!! Here are a few pictures from the shower.....

a diaper cake
made by my sweet
friend Maya

Addie practicing holding
a baby! Sweet Afton!

Addie and me! She was so excited to finally come to a baby shower!

My Sweet friend Tami, who is so so so talented made this for the girl's room! Sisters make the best of friends!

so many gifts!

I'm so lucky to have so many amazing people in my life!

A fun game!

Addie helped with the presents!

The cupcakes were incredible to look at and taste!

Yours and Addie's room is a French theme! Look how amazing, Steph made every piece of these cupcakes!

Everything was so lovely and
elegant!

so much yummy food!

perfect!

Me, Addie & Ava Grace

Heidi, Lake, Estefany & Afton

Amy, Jessica & Ava, Tami, & Stephanie

Susan, Doris and Kathy

Brittany, Adaiza & James

Aunt Adi, Meme & Brit

Tami & Lu

Kim & Ashley

a cute puzzle sign in!

one of the hostesses! Miss Lu!

As you can see, so many people are just so excited to meet you and celebrate you! I am just so overwhelmed by the love and support of our family and friends! Not all are pictured who helped on this special day, and it was most likely all of them. I am so humbled by amazing friends and family, who are so generous to me. Sometimes I feel so unworthy of all the incredible people who are in my life. I am full of such gratitude to my father in Heaven. My heart was so full today! You will have so many fabulous clothes to wear, so man soft blankets to cuddle up in, toys and jewelry. And even a little feeder ;) Everyone is so excited for you to come home little one!

Well, after the shower, me and Addie headed home. I looked at my phone and noticed I had 2 missed calls from the hospital, and a voice message. The NP called and said you had a series of bad spells, back to back. The intermediate nursery decided to send you back to the NICU, so you could be better monitored. Girl! You were supposed to be on your way out by going upstairs. My heart sunk. So many steps forward, and then one big step back. I hurried to the hospital to see you, all the gifts could wait to be put away and adored later. I needed to see you.

For the most part, your journey in the NICU has been a mild roller coaster. It definitely hasn't been totally smooth, but I know it could be way worse! I got to the hospital thinking all different things. I walk down the hallway to the NICU, where I thought I had walked away from for the last time, but here we are, back. You weren't in your usual spot, pod number 52. You were at pod 60. Deep in the NICU.

You were asleep when I arrived. I tried to fuss at you a little, pleading with you to stop these spells. It wasn't your normal small spell when you are starting a bottle, it was like 10 spells, back to back. I don't like that. The nurse was a different one, but on the same team as my usual nurses. She explained that they did a heel prick to test your blood, and check for infection. We were waiting the results. You had been examined, and appeared good. You weren't acting sick. On exam, you looked good. The NICU was a little crazy and your nurse was running around helping other babies. Your SATs were looking good. I lowered your isolette, and tried to hold back tears. I have done my best not to lose it. I am surprised at myself on how I have done. I am usually a lot more weak. I don't know where my strength has been coming from. Don't get me wrong, I am completely exhausted by the end of the night, but then I can't sleep. It may be the medicine I am taking to re-lactate. But I am surprised by the lack of sleep that I haven't been a little more crazy and/or emotional wreck!?!?!? But I did have a moment, that I tried to fight back as I hid behind the isolette and looked at your sweet little face.

The nurse told me your results came back and your blood work was normal. Your hematocrit levels may have been a touch low, but the doctor didn't feel it necessary for you to have another blood transfusion. At least that means you don't have an infection. That is a relief. The doctor came over to talk to me for a moment. They stopped your caffeine today, cold turkey. I wondered if that would be what could have made you have this episode. Like a caffeine withdrawal? Hey, I have heard of people getting so addicted to caffeine that they get head aches if they don't have it. However, the doctor told me that the caffeine would be in your system for weeks, and that probably wasn't the culprit.

Basically, she said, this wasn't totally abnormal from what you have done since the beginning. Of course you haven't had a series of spells this bad. But she wasn't worried. (that doesn't mean I am not worried) You are progressing well. Off oxygen, on full bottle, and tolerating both of those well. These A & B spells are just something you will have to grow out of. Something I just need to be patient with. Heck, if I had already learned the principle of patience, maybe we wouldn't be in the predicament! Ha, just kidding!

It was just hard to have taken so many huge steps forward, to take this step back. After having the shower today, and seeing all the darling clothes that you will wear one day, just made me more excited for you to be home and growing! But I have waited so long for you, I guess I can wait a little more. We do have eternity!

I fed you a bottle and you ate well. I know it still exhausts you. They have you on a strict schedule! Once you get out of your isolette and in your blanket and in my arms, you start rooting for that bottle, it's cute! Before I had started feeding you, a scripture kept coming to my mind. It is an easy one to remember. 2 Nephi 2:2. The part that stuck out to me, someone had shared this scripture with me before and pointed it out to me, was the part that said "thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain"

this shows your monitor and the spells
you had.

Consecrate thine afflictions. Consecrate. That means to set them apart. That the hard parts in our lives have been consecrated. To help us grow. To gain more understanding. To gain more humility. To gain more knowledge of the greatness of God. Through all of this, I have felt unworthy of all the great blessings, all the intricate details from our Father in Heaven, to cause this adoption to come to pass. To connect our spirits again on this earth. Why I am worthy of such a great blessing as you. Forever I fall short, but God makes the difference. The grand design of all of this was far greater than I could ever have imagined. The coincidences, the miracles, the connections.... all His handy work. There is no doubt in my mind, that you finding us was not just happen stance. That would be insulting. The praise goes to God, it is His mighty work, His mighty mercy. And I am so grateful that He saw fit to consecrate our afflictions, yours and mine, for our gain. I am humbled by His greatness, His gentleness, His tender mercies.

Sweet baby

Jenilara, Brandy & Tami

My tears were there, my worry was there, but His peace was there too. I have to trust His plan, and live each day patiently. Enjoy each day I have. Each trip to the hospital to spend time with such an amazing spirit as yours. It is an honor and blessing to be your Mother, Ellie. I am so grateful for that. I worry that I am undeserving of you, and I pray that I can be the best Mom I can be for you. From the beginning you have been familiar to me. Before I heard your cry, I knew the sound. When I saw you for the first time, I knew your face. This isn't the first time we have met. And I promise you, every day, I will strive to love and cherish you and your brother and sister, realizing that you are all such special gifts and treasures from my Father in Heaven. And He does want you all back one day, and has trusted me to help you all return when the time comes. So I will do my best to teach you of His great plan, and His great love for you!

You will be home with us soon enough my sweet! For now.... grow!

*June 19, 2016 Weight 2.208 Kg ( 4 lbs 13.7 oz, so close to doubling your birth weight)

It's Father's Day!

Hey Little Lady! You must have been exhausted by all your growth! You leap some huge leaps, and it tired you, little mite. They were pushing you a little too much. I called this morning to check on you. They said you had a couple spells through the night, and 5 this morning. ugh! I don't like it. The NP called and told me they put you back on oxygen, 1 liter at 21%. So all those steps forward, looks like we needed to take some steps back. They also put your feeding tube back in your little nose. *sigh* They decided to let you get all rested, they had been working you so hard that you just couldn't keep going at that rate. You were pushed a little too hard. We need to take your successes one day at a time, and try not to push you to do more than necessary at once. They put you back on bottle feedings every other feeding. Today, you had most your meals through your feeding tube. They saved your only bottle for me, when I could get there to see you.

I just needed to see you. So after Father's Day lunch, I drove up to see you. You were insanely stinky! The formula they have you on gives you the most incredibly terrible gas and poops! Ew-wee! I changed your diaper and you woke up. You looked very alert, like you had had some good rest. I got to hold you and you kept rooting for the bottle. You must think they are starving you by only tube feeding you today. You were wanting a "bawbaw". You took 49 mL! You liked every minute of it! It's just too bad that it exhausts you so much! Hopefully this weekend of rest will get you strong enough to make some steps forwards. And hopefully they won't push you too much.

One of my favorite nurses had requested to be with you, Caitlyn. It was nice to see her face yesterday, when I was so defeated about you being back down in the NICU. She is a great nurse and really cares about you. She took good care of you today, and watched you closely. It is a relief to me when I know you are in the best hands you can be. She made you a precious name tag for your

Your name tag by Caitlyn your nurse!

isolette. It is nice for me to know that you are around familiar faces, of people who know you and know your challenges. The nurses upstairs were nice, but I just didn't feel as comfortable or confident in them as I do the team downstairs in the NICU. You are in good hands. Knowing that is the only way I sleep!

I love you sweet girl. If they push you too hard, they better watch out, Mama will push them right back!

I was sad to see the oxygen on again. :(

I gave you the binky before I fed you. You suckled furiously, you were hungry for some taste! Look at the grip you have on my finger!!!

I love to see you feeling better

The lighting is bad, your color really does look good.
You were worn out from your big dinner!

*June 20, 2016 Weight 2.255 Kg ( 4 lbs 15 oz!)

Almost to 5 pounds big girl! The NP was so impressed that you have been gaining on average 44 grams a day, when the expectation is around 21-23 grams per day! You know how to eat! And sadly you still can't be on full bottle yet. They are needing you to get rested and not push you so hard, so fast. So not much changed today. You are still on oxygen, 1 liter at 21%. Still bottle feeding every other feed. No caffeine. You still have the most horrific gas on the floor! :) And the stinkiest of stinky diapers! Don't worry, your uncles share that same problem, and they can't blame it on high protein formula!

Today it seemed super chaotic in the NICU. I wasn't able to hold you and feed you. You are on every other feed, and I missed the bottle feed. But I didn't want to demand to feed you, because I do want you to get rested and back to working on getting out of there! So, I just got to look and talk to you. I held your hand and gave you your pacifier to suck on. You look good. They might try to slowly wean you off the oxygen tomorrow. Hopefully they actually mean "slowly" and not just take it from you cold turkey!

I look forward to the day that you come home to us! I am vigorously working on painting your crib and getting your room ready. It is coming right along. Maybe if I hurry and finish it, you will hurry to get home! Don't worry! Even if you come home before it is done, you will have somewhere to sleep, promise!

You were a bit sleepy today!

*June 21, 2016 Weight 2.297 Kg ( 5 lbs 0.85 oz)

You hit the 5 lb mark!! Woo to the woot!

You are still on oxygen, 1 liter at 21 %. You are back to full bottle feedings. I was there to feed you your second full bottle of the day. You are such a champ, they want you to take in 40mL, you took the whole bottle, which is 60mL!! A full 2 oz bottle, you go girl! You had a few huge burps, and later a few smelly toots, and were set! There was a lot going on in the NICU. One of your neighbor babies is having a lot of problems. He had come back to the unit from a surgery. I heard something about his intestines being back in his body and they flipped his liver. Yikes! They have something of his wrapped up and tied up around the warming light. Poor little munchkin! It is so eye opening, to see all the little troubles they have. You are not alone in your struggles! You are doing really good. You haven't needed crazy surgeries, and none of your limbs have been wrapped up and hanging up out of the way. We need to count our blessings and our successes!

I got to hold you for a long while, since there was so much commotion with your neighbor. It was nice. We had a quiet time to ourselves, although the NICU is far from quiet, but the noise makes it more private to us. No one is listening to me hum little songs to you and talking to you. I dream about you at night lately. That is new. Last night I was trying to fit you in your car seat, you were so tiny for it. And then I dreamt that you were trying to breastfeed, must be all those lactation cookies I have been eating! I am so looking forward to the day, where you are ready to come home! I ordered the Owlet monitor last night, I want to be able to sleep some while you are home! We got so many amazing gifts, and so many cute clothes. At the rate you are gaining, you should be able to wear all of them! I am just worried that by the time you get to your crib at the hospital, you will be too big for your preemie clothes I have for you.

You are such a special girl Ellie, we all love you so much!