Week Five with Ellie

NICU

Week 5

*June 1, 2016----Weight 1.416 Kg

   4 weeks old! I can't believe it has been 28 days in the NICU! Your gestational age is 33 weeks.  Technically if you reached all your benchmarks : 5lbs, eating and breathing on your own, you could be home in 2 weeks, because you will be 35 weeks (gestational age).  I want you home! But two weeks seems kinda fast! I am not sure you will reach all those things, but, by golly, you are going to try! Today you are 1 gram away from being 3 lbs 2 oz, so by this time I am writing, I am sure you have gained a gram, so I am calling it 3 lbs 2 oz!  You aren't playing, once you hit that 3 lb mark you are running to that 4lb mark! Skin to skin went really well today.  You have a new neighbor in the NICU, a big old boy, he is 4 lbs 12 oz! Looks like a giant compared to you. His Mom looked so young, was real nervous in the way she held him.  But she loved him so.  It is so neat to see the Mothers that come to the NICU, their love and devotion to those little ones all around you. It is a tough battle, but it is comforting for those babies to know that they are not alone, in this, their hardest battle of their lives.  I hope you feel that way Eliana, I look forward to seeing you and holding you every day (even when your poopy diaper leaks onto my belly).  I am in this fight with you. You are not alone!  And you have the world's greatest big sister AND big brother!

Addie sure loves her new shirt!

* June 2, 2016   Weight 1.435 Kg

   4 Weeks and One day!  Just growing gram by gram!  They upped your feedings to 29 cc of formula, and you are tolerating it well.  Since your gestational age is 33 weeks, they are motivated to get you off the high flow oxygen, to the low flow, so that you can begin bottle feeding in the next day or so! Geez, they keep you working! Kangaroo care was great today, for the first hour.  As we went passed the first hour, you began to get a little toasty and your heart rate went up and your sats down.  I know it is a lot for your body to learn, to breathe, to have your heart beating right, to control your body temperature!  But it still stresses me out too!  I know you technically shouldn't be breathing yet, you should still be cooking in a tummy, so I celebrate your victories!

Dreamy Girl

*June 3, 2016    Weight 1.420 Kg

   You dropped a little today in weight Miss Ellie Jane, let's not do that!
   
 I was running around trying to figure out this social security benefit for you. It is super stressful and all out of my control, I feel so much pressure to get it done.  We are waiting of the birth certificate to get things rolling and to get your social security number in place.  This was our first rodeo with adoption, and we have made some mistakes, and I have been very discouraged.  The social security office wasn't super helpful either and I left frustrated.

     But I came to see you..... and everything was ok, it was all worth it. I held you for kangaroo care and I angled you where we could look at each other.  For 10, maybe 15 minutes, we looked at each other, deeply into each others eyes.  It was so tender. Of course your eyes went a little crooked from time to time, but you tried so hard to look and focus, it was a precious moment.

    Though your being in the NICU is a stressful thing, in several different ways, from worries, to possible problems, to a & b spells,  to bills, to time away from my other kiddos, from all sorts of endless maddening possibilities.  The positive side outweighs all of it.  Of course I would have wanted you to finish growing in a belly because that is the best way to grow,  but the beauty of you being early is that I get to carry you the last 2 months of your "pregnancy".  I get to hold you skin to skin.  I can close my eyes and feel your little movements, similar to how they would feel with you in my tummy, even though you are on my tummy.  I get to feel and even hear your hiccups.  One of the things that hurt my heart the most was never being able to experience pregnancy again after the birth of Addie.   I was so tired of being hot and pregnant with Addie in the hot Mississippi summer, I had wished it to be over soon!  How I have regretted not taking the time to enjoy the magic of life growing inside of me!  This is such a tender mercy from our Father in Heaven, that I get to experience, in a different way, pregnancy again.  You have been growing in my heart for awhile, and now we get to grow together in the NICU, and for the rest of our lives into eternity.  Although this is a trial, it is laced with beauty and mercy, and for that, I am grateful.

Sleeping Beauty

Dad looks good in that tiny gown

Daddy's first time holding you!

I love this one. You were looking at Daddy so carefully

Proud Daddy

Day 30

* June 4, 2016    Weight 1.520 Kgs  (you gained 100 grams overnight!?!!) 3 lbs 5.4 oz!!

1 month old! 31 days in the NICU. Can't hardly believe it! They upped your feedings to 32 cc of formula.  You dropped some weight yesterday, but made up for it and then some today!  They are trying to wean you off the high flow oxygen, however you aren't having it. You like the extra oxygen.  But sweet girl, if you can get on low flow oxygen, out comes that feeding tube and in comes a bottle!  I promise you it is waaay better to taste your food then to get it inserted straight to your tummy!

  We did kangaroo care for about 1 1/2 hours.  You tolerated it very well.  There were a few times you dropped your sats, but came right back up.  You had one small brady cardia spell, but you recovered, slower than I would like.  Come on girl, for real, stop those ;)  We will have none of that when you come home (please!)

   The nurses always tell me what a crawler you are.  They will put you snuggly in one spot, and then they leave for a moment and you will be at a totally different spot in the isolette! Ha! Don't break out just yet!

1 month! I really can't believe it!
I've been thinking lately of that great song by Garth Brooks, "unanswered prayers". I've always loved that song, although I'm not a huge country fan. But, I think good old Garth may have gotten it a little wrong. Sometimes we pray for something so hard, that all we want to see is the end, and forget about the journey. We are blinded by our target, by our bullseye. What we may think are unanswered prayers, are really prayers just answered differently, and BETTER than we would have ever asked for. I'm pretty sure that was Garth's point. But nonetheless, I thank God for answered prayers, that are answered as He would have them, and not just me. His answers can far exceed our expectations.

Feeling refreshed after
Kangaroo care!

I wish we could put you in a cute onesie and put
this sticker on your belly.  But it may just
swallow you up it's so big and your are so small!

Plotting ways you can climb out of this joint!

In case you can't tell, I am excited that you are 1 month old! 

*June 5, 2016    Weight 1.630 Kg (110 gram weight gain!?!)  about 3 lbs 11 oz

Girl, what are they feeding you?! 2 days, 210 gram weight gain?!  If we could get you on low flow oxygen and a bottle in your mouth, we will be good! They have upped your feedings again to 32 cc.

  June 3 they did an ultrasound on your head again.  I didn't hear anything back from the Doctor, and no news is good news.  I asked the nurse about it, and she said everything looked within normal range, from what she read on the computer.  Which is good!

  Your eyelids have looked a little puffy, the last few times I have been up, I need to ask about that.  And your little face is very narrow.  That seems to be a 'normal' preemie thing. Daddy was a little concerned about it, but the nurses assured us that would correct itself.  Not that it would matter one way or the other to us! We will always love you, come what may!  I think you are beautiful and will continue to blossom even more!

   They had you down to 2 liters at 21% on oxygen.  You have been tolerating it pretty well.  The other day, you were not appreciating it.  But it is such a tricky balance.  They don't want you SAT-ing at 96-100% and they don't want you below 89%.  So we have to keep you between 90-95%.  You are doing your best.  It is just the sooner we get you off the high flow oxygen to low flow, we can start bottle feeding you! Today they removed the feeding tube from your mouth into your nose, and I can see your whole face finally!! And you are getting some chub on your face!  I love it!  You did very well today with Kangaroo care, even though they had lowered your oxygen.  You just slept and slept, peeked for a little bit at the beginning.  The stupid oxygen gets water in it and the bubbles of water kind of climb up into your nose, darn it, it causes you to sneeze the most precious sneezes though.  But it also seems to get your heart rate up some, and I don't like that!  Ack! So many things to stress and worry about in the NICU!  Good thing for hair coloring, because I might be grey by the time you get out!

Look at that chin chub!

Your arm is filling out!

Your back looks fuller

You are growing my girl!

* June 6, 2016     Weight 1.647 Kg

 Well, I think they gave me the wrong calculations for your weight yesterday... You were maybe 3 lbs 9 oz, and I think today you are 3 lbs 10 oz.   To get kilograms into pounds, you times the number, for example 1.647 x 2.2.... which give you pounds. That would equal: 3.6234.  the .6234 is not ounces, that is still pounds. So you multiple 0.6234 by 16 (16 oz in a pound), which equals 9.9744. So you are really 3 lbs 9.9744 oz.... we could just round to 10!  So yesterday you were really 3 lbs 9.376 oz. So, anyhow! Now that our math is out of the way!! That is how much you weigh.

Anyhow, so you gained some.  Today I came in and you were still on 2 liters of oxygen but at 26 %. You aren't tolerating them trying to lower your oxygen.  When I arrived, the nurse was away getting your lunch, and your dropped and had a brady cardia and apnea spell. I kind of rubbed on your belly.  The nurse returned and said that you had a few self limiting spells.  During Kangaroo care you had a few more.  I had a hard time relaxing, because all I could do was fret about your heart rate and your SATs constantly dropping.

   I have noticed that you have had swelling in your eyelids that last few days.  I asked about that, and they told me it could be from the oxygen?  Hopefully that will resolve when you will let them lower you to low flow!

   One sweet thing is when I was humming today to you, you would almost try to hum along with me. With a little moaning/grunting noise. It was sweet.  I had a babysitter with your brother and sister, so I couldn't stay much longer than the kangaroo care.  Later the NP called to update me and said you had had 8 a&b spells today, but they were self-limiting, meaning you came back up on your own.  How that makes me sweat and stress and be nervous!  The bulk of my prayers will be devoted to you breathing and beating like you should!  I have faith in you!

Your little head is so long!

You are looking chunkier!

*June 7, 2016    Weight 1.758 Kg (3lbs 13.8 oz!)

  You are just getting all chunky girl!! Keep it up! However you are struggling with the oxygen! They upped you to 2.5 Liters at 24 %.  You are not liking them trying to lower it on you.  There isn't a rush!  You technically aren't supposed to be breathing yet... you technically should still be in a tummy (I am sure I have said this before)  So the victory is that you are breathing!  So, take your time and develop!

  Today's kangaroo care was much better than yesterday. It was very stressful yesterday with all your a & b spells. You had a few moments when your Sats dropped but they were self limiting.  Today you opened your eyes and we were able to look at each other for a while.  I love to see your eyes open and look around. It is truly the window of your soul!  You moaned and grunted along with me humming again, it so so precious!

   Your sweet little eyes sure have been puffy lately.  They say that is pretty normal for a premature baby.  But it still makes me sad! It could be the oxygen or just that she needs to be repositioned or just part of being premature. I just hope it doesn't hurt or bother you!

You feeding tube came out of your nose today, so the nurse needed to put it back in.  She was struggling a little, so she got some sugar water, and dripped it into your mouth.  You liked that! And then she had you suck on your binky and dripped a little more in, your eyes opened and you were so happy about it! You tolerated her putting the feeding tube in, with many sneezes!  I love you so much!  Looking back on yesterdays pictures, you color looked bad! I am glad they gave you more oxygen!  " you're skin and bones, grow into something beautiful!" Grow my sweet, all the little parts of you!

I love your hair! You look like your brother and sister!
They both had a lot of hair as babies!

Look at that chin!!!

You holding that binky in! Look how sweet you look!