You are
12 weeks old. This is day 84 in the hospital! And NO spells today! Ha! Victory!
They started you out on 4 hour feedings, so darn it, all the breastmilk I brought for you, I couldn't feed you, because my timing is now off! Phooey! But, I got to hold you the whole time, even though you were totally out like a light.
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| sleepy eyes |
The interesting thing today was, both of your neighbors went home. I got to see the discharge process from the very beginning to the end, twice, and neither were you, so that stunk. But I liked to watch, and listen, as if it was us going home. I watched as the nurse unhooked your neighbor from the monitor, unwrapped the pulse oximeter from his little foot. Wrapped up all the cords out of the way. No more beeps or alarms, just a little baby lying in crib, breathing and his heart beating without any view of it. Poor little guy got circumcised this morning, so he was a little extra fussy, but rightfully so! The Mom and Dad were so excited to get little man home. They lived in Vicksburg, so had a little bit of a drive. Little man was a little fussy, but was ready to be loved on, without told by nurses that he was a bad baby. (that still makes me mad, even if it was a joke and even if he is a difficult baby) It was slow motion when his Daddy placed him into his car seat, so tenderly. I hope you were watching Ell, that could be you, very soon, next week even if you behave with your spells! Then, like that, they were gone. The crib was rolled away, and everything wiped down. The NICU is in their past. Then your other neighbor's Mom came. She got her all dressed up with a darling outfit. Loved on her and kissed on her. It was so easy to move her all around without any cords to work around. Dressing her was equally as easy, without disturbing said cords. She got tucked into her carseat, the discharge nurse telling the Mama a few different instructions, and then she was gone. Hopefully being all lonely on that wall will encourage you to come on home babe!
You are growing up so big! I can't help but give you extra kisses on those chubby cheeks, they are just so darn kissable! Today was a better day. I thought seeing your neighbors leave would get me all down and emotional, but it got me all excited and more motivated to get you home! We will leave the light on for you!
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July 28, 2016 Weight 3.622 Kg ( 7lbs 15.49 oz)
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| sweet sleeper |
Goodness! Almost 8 lbs! I am amazed at your amazing growth! You took 120 mL, both feeds this morning, that is 4 oz each! No wonder you are gaining like a champ! They have stretched you out to feed you every 4 hours, which will be great for when you come home, next week, right !!??(wink, wink, nudge, nudge). Oh, which reminds me! Day 2.... NO spells! Hallelujah! Keep it going girl, all the way to 7! My wish is that you will be home before Addie's birthday on the 4th. It will be your 3 month day and her 6 years old birthday! What a great gift for both of you!
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| A little smile |
You got 2 new neighbors, they are both in isolettes, but both getting ready for cribs. How about you be a good example to them on how to eat like a champ, and more importantly, how to come home! They were both born in July, and breathing on their own. They look to be good neighbors for you, I just hope you plan to move soon, to our house! You are getting too big for your little crib! I got a big one here for you, and a bassinet and a swing, and a bouncer, and lots and lots of family arms!!
I got to hold you for a long time and study your face and clean out the lint between your fingers. You have changed so much! I am working on a little slideshow video of your growth, it is truly amazing! I need to continue taking a picture of you every day, just to see your growth within the year, it will be neat to see! Love you little one! You are always on our mind.
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I love when you hold your binky, look
how cute you look in your big sister's outfit |
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You scratched yourself in all you passionate
suckling of the pacifier |
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| sweet love |
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| Your hairline might be receding a little, say what?! |
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You are so gassy, they added and Airwick
plug in to combat your gas! |
*
July 29, 2016 Weight 3.663 Kg ( 8 lbs 0.9oz)
Well, now I will have at least an 8 pounder leaving the hospital! As I came in today, the nurse mentioned you had a little spell, but they weren't sure if it would be counted??! You were kind of bearing down, like you were working something out. The doctor said we will see how you do over the weekend before we decide. But Tuesday is the day we are looking at. I am trying not to get my hopes up too much, we are still here in the hospital and we know how they roll there! ha! They still have you on the 4 hour schedule to eat, which messes up me being able to feed you. However, I convinced the nurse to let me feed you about 20 minutes early. You slurped that milk up! Seems like you might not quite be fully committed to eating every 4 hours, so the early feeding was welcome!
You were dressed up super cute, because I dressed you! I love putting headbands on you and seeing you look so pretty! Come on home my sweet, we are ready for you!
I am trying to be hopeful and realistic at the same time.... I think they are finally starting to align! **fingers crossed**
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| So pretty you are! |
*
July 30, 2016 Weight 3.739 ( 8 lbs 3.6 oz)
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| You and Daddy <3 |
Today was a fun day. Meme & Double let your brother and sister sleep over. Mommy and Daddy got to sleep in and take a day to renew and refresh and get ready for you to come home. The last day in a long while just to ourselves. Of course we took some time to spend with you! It is always fun to visit you with Daddy with me. You made sure to impress him with an extremely poopy diaper! Ha! I changed this one, he will get his chance when you get home! :)
I think you are starting to get bored in that tiny little crib. There is this whole awesome world at home, that is totally going to blow your mind! I can't wait for you to see!
We fed you a little snack, a little early... just 2 oz.. which is about half of what you normally take. This 4 hour feeding schedule isn't your favorite, but it will be good for you to get used to, so Mommy might get some extra sleep and not go crazy ;)
Oh so you are probably wondering, did you have a spell today??? Nope! We are still on schedule for you to come home Tuesday! I will say many prayers that this does come to pass! If you do come home Tuesday, you will have spent exactly 90 days of your whole life in the hospital! Wow! That is just mind blowing! 2 days shy of 3 months! But if you do come home, it will be in time for your big sister's birthday, which will be your 3 month day... we will totally have a party!
So, I need to apologize for my last post, about the nurses irritating me. I had a really bad week and I think my energy was focused on being mad at someone. Yes, they are chatty with each other, but their patients don't talk back to them. Yes, they forgot to tell me about that spell you had, but they are human. They take great care of you, and I know they care about you. They have a hard job, and it takes a special person to do. Yes, my favorite nurses are in the NICU, but these nurses are pretty alright and excellent at their job. I had a bad week, a negative week, and I think I worried a lot of people with my post of last week. But this week, has been better, and I am feeling positive. But I am sorry if I was a little harsh in my judgements. So far, I feel we have had an incredible experience in the NICU, with amazing nurses, staff and doctors. It has been one of the most difficult experiences of both our lives. But we have grown together in it! We have learned a lot. And our love has only gotten stronger! Soon you will be home Peanut, and this NICU will be a bit of a blur!
*
July 31, 2016 Weight 3.780 Kg (8lbs 5.05 oz)
It's Sunday! And let's come out with it.... No spells! We are still on target for Tuesday for you to come home!
I came later so I could feed you. They said you had eaten relatively lightly today, for your normal standard. You must have been save it for me, because you chugged down both your bottles, I had almost gave you a third, but you petered out at the end.
I know I have been so ready for you to come home, but now that it is really really a possibility I am a little nervous! I haven't had a baby home for almost 6 years, I am a little out of practice! But we will figure it out, don't you worry! I am excited you to meet all your family and to thrive outside the NICU!
*
August 1, 2016 Weight 3.825 Kg (8lbs 6.64oz)
'Twas the night before "Discharge" and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even..
well actually, your Mom was!! Busy trying to finish last minute touches to make sure the house is totally ready for your possible arrival tomorrow! It is even better than Christmas eve, but that is closest thing to explain the excitement I have! "Visions of Ellie in my arms dance in my head!" Prayers are in my heart, pleading that you don't have any more spells! If you do, you won't be able to come home. But A & B spells are a thing of the past, right?!?! RIGHT! Let's get you home baby girl, let's get you home!
It almost doesn't even feel real! Today is day 89, tomorrow you will have been 90 days in the hospital, one day shy of 13 full weeks! Heavens! It will be really nice to have the NICU as a thing of the past, a blur, a distant memory.... but a memory nonetheless, a memory that changed all our lives!
It is just crazy, a moment that we have been waiting for for so long, is practically here! I just don't to jinx it! I hope you are ready for this big big world that you are about to be apart of!
Today, something amazing happened. I don't know if it was just an accident or gas, but you smiled at me, twice! I was making a little squeaky noise with my lips and your whole face light up with a smile for maybe a second! When you smile, you do with your whole face, and it just melted my heart. And then you did it again. Awww. It was great! I love you sweet pea! I can't wait for tomorrow to be here and you be home, forever!
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| Getting all your bottles ready! Sanitized! |
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Your 'take home' outfit is all ready for when
you come home tomorrow!!! |
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| Looky there, I finally captured a picture of your dimple! |
*
August 2, 2016 Weight 3.870 Kg (8lbs 8.2 oz)
Well, I am writing this late, and I am sure the blogging community has been waiting for this to become published. But there is just so much to say!
90.
90 days we were in hospital.
90 days I scrubbed my hands for 3 minutes before coming into the unit.
90 days of hand sanitizing if I touched anything else besides you
90 days of driving back and forth to the hospital, sometimes multiple time
90 days of seeing you, every day, never missing
90 days of babysitters for your brother and sister
90 days of worry
90 days of hoping you would come home
90 days of cuddles and snuggles, kangaroo care, and sometimes just you holding my finger through a little plastic door
90 days of learning NICU terminology and understanding the doctors during rounds
90 days minus 7 of Apnea and brady cardia spells that kept you from home
90 days of loving the smallest person I have ever met.
90 days of watching you grow
90 days of being a Mom to 3 kids, with one living somewhere else
90 days of your brother and sister not being able to hold you and the most part not even see you
90 days of facing each day with patience, and failing a lot
90 days of trying to hold myself together and try to be postive
90 days of a life changing trial
90 days of a miracle
90 days into a new life, a new found hope, a new love.
90 days that I hope to forget
90 days that I hope I will never forget
90 days we were in the hospital
90 days
Day 1 of you being home!
It has been a journey Miss Ellie, and now we are on a whole new leg of the journey...HOME, life, growth!
Today was surreal, and it hasn't really fully sunk in. As you sit there in your swing all snug and bundled. I hardly slept at all last night, going to bed at 2am and tossing and turning. I woke up early and called, pinching my eyes shut as if it would help, when I asked if you had had any spell. Relaxing when they said 'nope!'. I got ready and dressed. Woke up your siblings. Addie's first words "Ellie is coming home today", she said it in her little bit silly voice, you will know what I mean by that soon enough! We ran to the store before I dropped them off to pick up some balloons to hang on our mailbox, saying "Baby Girl", I have always wanted balloons when I brought a baby home?! So, I made it happen!
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| Good by little box of a bed |
I got to the hospital and of course discharging you took a while. But I just got to sit and hold you and really let it all sink in. All of this time spent here, cheering you on. You living in a tiny little box, in a noisy room full of beeps and babies crying, and some nurses gabbing ;). I mostly looked forward to when they took of all the cords from you. The pulse oximeter from your foot, the leads on your tummy, the monitor completely off... for good. No more beeps, no more alarms. I wonder if you will miss those beeps, your neighbors crying, the nurses chatting about scrubs ;P Maybe.
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| our last few moments in the hospital |
We left the Intermediate Care Nursery at pretty much exactly 1:30pm. Feeling a big sense of good riddance to that place. We had our fill, right?! Right! Daddy couldn't drive home with us, so I was very nervous. The mirror I place in the car to see you was aimed a little high, so I could only see your forehead, and you can't tell if someone is breathing by their forehead! I prayed you would keep on breathing, lest I would stop every 5 minutes to check. I figure you have quite a few angels looking out for you!
We got home and no one was here, we quietly walked into a quiet place. We sat on the couch and you looked around, throwing out little side smiles, like you knew more than you were letting on. I showed you around. The lyrics to Annie came to my mind, as if you were saying "I think I'm gonna like it here!" I think you will!
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| You look perfect in your "take home" outfit, sunshine girl! |
It wasn't quite time to eat, but you were kind of routing around for something, so I figured we should give nursing a shot. At first you weren't really interested, so we stopped trying. Then when we tried again, you latched on like a champ, I couldn't believe it. After 90 days, I was finally able to feed you, from the heart, as Addie says. A little into nursing, there was a knock on the door, you siblings were home! They were pressed to the door, ready to burst in.
What an amazing moment, to have my three kids in my home all together, loving each other. Literally my cup runneth over, words can't express how amazing that was to witness. Thousands of prayers answered in one powerful moment. We are here, today is the day we have been waiting for , and it has been perfect.
Addie and Porter took turns feeding you, holding you, fighting over when each other's turn should end. Helping bathe you, well only Addie helped there. They love you so. I am so impressed at how tender Porter is with you.
I think back, on when I miscarried, and my blog I ended with a song, "I believe" by Christina Perri. In the song it ends with "This is not the end of me, this is the beginning"
Ah, what a journey we begun, way back when and look how far we come. Thank you Ellie, for being patient with me during the hardest part of your life! Thank you for loving me. Thank you for letting me be your Mom. Today, I finally realized you do know me. When you get fussy after your siblings hold you, you want me, you feel safe with me. And that, that is the best feeling of all. I love you my sweet, let's see where this journey takes us next!
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| ready to go! You look so little |
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| in the car |
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| I'm a little excited |
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| you made it home |
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| hanging out in a quiet house, but not for long |
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| You like this place |
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| Sisterly love |
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| They were so excited |
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| He stepped right up |
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| big sister is a little Mama |
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| piano and cuddles, not much better |
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| no one said there would be BALLOONS! |
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| Porter built that lego for you |
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| She can't get enough |
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| This is what life is all about |
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| Neither can he! |
The interesting thing today was, both of your neighbors went home. I got to see the discharge process from the very beginning to the end, twice, and neither were you, so that stunk. But I liked to watch, and listen, as if it was us going home. I watched as the nurse unhooked your neighbor from the monitor, unwrapped the pulse oximeter from his little foot. Wrapped up all the cords out of the way. No more beeps or alarms, just a little baby lying in crib, breathing and his heart beating without any view of it. Poor little guy got circumcised this morning, so he was a little extra fussy, but rightfully so! The Mom and Dad were so excited to get little man home. They lived in Vicksburg, so had a little bit of a drive. Little man was a little fussy, but was ready to be loved on, without told by nurses that he was a bad baby. (that still makes me mad, even if it was a joke and even if he is a difficult baby) It was slow motion when his Daddy placed him into his car seat, so tenderly. I hope you were watching Ell, that could be you, very soon, next week even if you behave with your spells! Then, like that, they were gone. The crib was rolled away, and everything wiped down. The NICU is in their past. Then your other neighbor's Mom came. She got her all dressed up with a darling outfit. Loved on her and kissed on her. It was so easy to move her all around without any cords to work around. Dressing her was equally as easy, without disturbing said cords. She got tucked into her carseat, the discharge nurse telling the Mama a few different instructions, and then she was gone. Hopefully being all lonely on that wall will encourage you to come on home babe! 
You are growing up so big! I can't help but give you extra kisses on those chubby cheeks, they are just so darn kissable! Today was a better day. I thought seeing your neighbors leave would get me all down and emotional, but it got me all excited and more motivated to get you home! We will leave the light on for you!
Well, now I will have at least an 8 pounder leaving the hospital! As I came in today, the nurse mentioned you had a little spell, but they weren't sure if it would be counted??! You were kind of bearing down, like you were working something out. The doctor said we will see how you do over the weekend before we decide. But Tuesday is the day we are looking at. I am trying not to get my hopes up too much, we are still here in the hospital and we know how they roll there! ha! They still have you on the 4 hour schedule to eat, which messes up me being able to feed you. However, I convinced the nurse to let me feed you about 20 minutes early. You slurped that milk up! Seems like you might not quite be fully committed to eating every 4 hours, so the early feeding was welcome!
You were dressed up super cute, because I dressed you! I love putting headbands on you and seeing you look so pretty! Come on home my sweet, we are ready for you!
So, I need to apologize for my last post, about the nurses irritating me. I had a really bad week and I think my energy was focused on being mad at someone. Yes, they are chatty with each other, but their patients don't talk back to them. Yes, they forgot to tell me about that spell you had, but they are human. They take great care of you, and I know they care about you. They have a hard job, and it takes a special person to do. Yes, my favorite nurses are in the NICU, but these nurses are pretty alright and excellent at their job. I had a bad week, a negative week, and I think I worried a lot of people with my post of last week. But this week, has been better, and I am feeling positive. But I am sorry if I was a little harsh in my judgements. So far, I feel we have had an incredible experience in the NICU, with amazing nurses, staff and doctors. It has been one of the most difficult experiences of both our lives. But we have grown together in it! We have learned a lot. And our love has only gotten stronger! Soon you will be home Peanut, and this NICU will be a bit of a blur!
It's Sunday! And let's come out with it.... No spells! We are still on target for Tuesday for you to come home!
I came later so I could feed you. They said you had eaten relatively lightly today, for your normal standard. You must have been save it for me, because you chugged down both your bottles, I had almost gave you a third, but you petered out at the end.
well actually, your Mom was!! Busy trying to finish last minute touches to make sure the house is totally ready for your possible arrival tomorrow! It is even better than Christmas eve, but that is closest thing to explain the excitement I have! "Visions of Ellie in my arms dance in my head!" Prayers are in my heart, pleading that you don't have any more spells! If you do, you won't be able to come home. But A & B spells are a thing of the past, right?!?! RIGHT! Let's get you home baby girl, let's get you home!
It is just crazy, a moment that we have been waiting for for so long, is practically here! I just don't to jinx it! I hope you are ready for this big big world that you are about to be apart of!
Today was surreal, and it hasn't really fully sunk in. As you sit there in your swing all snug and bundled. I hardly slept at all last night, going to bed at 2am and tossing and turning. I woke up early and called, pinching my eyes shut as if it would help, when I asked if you had had any spell. Relaxing when they said 'nope!'. I got ready and dressed. Woke up your siblings. Addie's first words "Ellie is coming home today", she said it in her little bit silly voice, you will know what I mean by that soon enough! We ran to the store before I dropped them off to pick up some balloons to hang on our mailbox, saying "Baby Girl", I have always wanted balloons when I brought a baby home?! So, I made it happen!
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