Week 6 with Ellie

NICU
Week 6

*June 8, 2016    Weight 1.737 Kg

 5 weeks old!!  You grow girl!  You have been in the hospital long enough that I need to buy a new parking pass. You dropped a few grams, but you have been gaining so good lately, we will let this slide.  They upped your feedings to 37 cc.  But they also upped your oxygen to 2.5 liters at 30%.  You just have a liking to your oxygen! There isn't a huge rush, but we do want you home.

  Today I didn't feel awesome. Maybe it is stress, over exerting myself, running myself ragged, or I was getting sick.  Either way, I didn't want to chance it, so I didn't hold you to be safe.... which stunk! I love our kangaroo care.  You were so cute with your chin forming into two. 

 I stuck your little binky in your mouth and you just suckled it so sweetly! I even took a little video of you doing it because it was so precious to me!  And all my pumping is paying of, I am creating some milk!  Not very much, but I am counting all our victories!

This is the little chart that is taped to your monitor,
today is the first day it said Cronin, and it made me smile.
I still have moments when all of this doesn't seem like it
could possibly be real!

Sleeping Beauty

Sucking on your Pacifier like a champ!

The coloring looks a little weird, because the lights were
off. They cycle the lights for you sweet little ones, so you
aren't constantly under fluorescent lights!

It's a little, but it is a start!

yep, i measured it.

*June 9, 2016    Weight  1.779 Kg  (just about 3 lbs 15 oz)

    2.5 Liters at 21%. So, huge thing I forgot to mention yesterday. The nurse mentioned that the doctors had thought a possible cause for your A & B spells, reflux.  So, yesterday they decided to start you on Zantac twice a day, to see if it would help.  They knew there was no risk in trying, and at least they were being proactive, right??!  Well, since then you haven't had any spells, they were able to lower you to 21% from 30%!!!! GREAT!  Maybe that was what was attributing to all that stuff!  They also inclined your bed, so your head is above your body. 

    Today's kangaroo care was great! You were very alert.  You had no spells.  You were so alert and looking around, looking at me. You were a whole new baby today.  You could tell you were feeling better, feeling good.  You fell into a sweet dreamy sleep!  It was very peaceful, for both of us!  Maybe we are on the up and up, and all you will need to do is just grow and breathe!  Love you sweet girl!

Your back is filling out!

Look at that beautifully chubby chin!

*June 10, 2016    Weight 1.878 Kg

  Uh, did you see your weight up there?!  Do you know what that calculates to???  4 lbs 2 oz! Like a champ! Look at you grow!  You are down to 1.5 Liters at 21%.

But the most awesome thing was, when I walked into the hospital today, you were DRINKING from a BOTTLE!!! What in the what?!  I hurried over, and they told me it was your first bottle, and did I want to feed you.  Did I want to?! I shoved that nurse out of the way and started feeding you! (Not really shove, but excitedly accepted!)  You were so wide awake, and so curious about what in the world was this amazing deliciousness in your mouth, and why in the world was it so hard to get it!  But you were a trooper and worked at it so hard and finished the whole bottle!  You finished with a big burp.  You were so incredibly exhausted afterwards.  We did kangaroo care and you just slept and slept.  Your A & B spells are very very few.  It is much easier to relax with all these elements.  Maybe it was reflux after all.  But to see you thriving just makes my heart beam!

We are just so in love with you and your sweet self! My little fighter, my little champ, my little princess, my little Ellie!

What a champ!  I am so in love with your pudgy chin. You little chin reminds me of a nutcracker mouth! You are
growing so much! 4 lbs 2 oz!

Yep, I kept the bottle! It's like a victory trophy!

After Kangaroo care, ready to rest!  I love when
you are awake and alert!

*June 11, 2016    Weight 1.896 Kg  ( 4 lbs 2.9 oz)

  Days of days, wonders of wonders! You are down to 1 liter at 21%.  I came in today and was able to feed you your second bottle of all time!  Aunt Adi was here as well to see you.  Again, you were so alert and ready to try.  You worked so hard at it.  Ate and ate, you really have gotten the hang of it, this being your second bottle and all!  You started to tucker out, and so we stopped to burp you.  I had thought the nurse had only put 37 mL in, and there were 15 left.... however, she had put 60 mL in, meaning you drank 45 mL!  What a gal!  And what a solid burp you had afterwards!  You were so stuffed!  But you stayed alert the whole time we were there, which was at least 1 1/2 hours.  You are growing and changing so much! You have such a desire to thrive!

They mentioned you had three spells last night.... I was hoping we were over those.  But you are still growing and trying! I am hoping those will be a thing of the past soon!  I must still be patient!  You are only 34.5 weeks your gestational age, so, you still have time to grow!

  We both had an extra treat today! Daddy and I went out on a date and went to visit you again! Daddy was able to give you your third bottle!  He was so proud!  You worked hard at it, but we know you are so exhausted by it!  But you drank 32 mL.  The nurses are so impressed by your progress! You have set the golden standard!  You are doing so well, they might just bump you up to 2 bottles a day and 1 at night! Such growth.  You never cease to amaze me!  I can't wait to see the person you will become, such a fighting, strong and determined spirit! Love you sweet girl!

I am so amazed by your progress this week! Look at you!

You were so full!

You look like a little doll!

*June 12, 2016   Weight  1.924 Kg ( 4lbs 3.7oz)

   Look at you girl, climbing that weight chart!  You did so good at bottles that they decided to give you a bottle every other feeding! That is a huge deal! You are still on the high flow oxygen, 1.0 Liters at 21%.  They upped your feedings to 39 ccs by tube, and whatever you will take by the bottle. The nurse said you took 45 mL, and could have probably taken more.  You may not quite have the "I'm full" button yet! ;)  They aren't quite ready to lower you to low flow, because they don't want to do too many things too fast.  Your A & B spells still occur, but not near as frequent.  The Nurse Practitioner called and said they changed your eye exam to Tuesday, instead of tomorrow.  The eye exam can cause a lot of stress to you.  I hope and pray you will tolerate it well!

  Today was Sunday, so I had several meetings before church, and then church itself. We ate lunch at Meme's and I rushed to the hospital to get there before quiet time.  Unfortunately, the nurse didn't time the feedings right, and I didn't get to feed you by the bottle. But I was able to do kangaroo care, and it was good.  My undershirt was a little tight, which made it not super comfortable, since you are getting so big! Ha! But it was still nice. You groaned and moaned a little in your sleep.  The bottle feedings must be tuckering you out, because I didn't catch you much with your eyes open during my visit.

 You are constantly in my prayers, and many many other people's prayers.  I am in constant awe of the miracle of you.  I am overflowing and overwhelmed with gratitude for my Heavenly Father, and all the blessings he saw fit to bless us with.  He truly sent us one of his special angels! That makes three! I must have done something right in heaven! I love you Miss Ellie!

I love to see you sleeping peacefully

You are changing and growing every day, becoming more and more beautiful!

You were fussing here.  I think maybe a
little gas was hurting you belly.

*June 13, 2016    Weight  1.933 Kg ( 4 lbs 4 oz)

   Big big day today girl! I walked in and looked in your isolette, and what did I see?!?! Look for yourself! What is different in this picture????

What is different??

So what looks different in the picture?  Do you have a guess?  Don't read ahead....
NO oxygen!  They decided to do a 'room air trial' today! And look at you!  They had started it about an hour before I came.  And you had tolerated it very well.  I was just so happy to see all of your face! It has been nearly 6 weeks that you have been alive, and for all of that, some part of your face was hidden with tubes, or stickers , or some kind of gadget.  Given, you still have your feeding tube taped to one side of your face, but still! This is a wonderful graduation day for you!

Aww, what a beauty!

So, another big thing today.  I have been collecting and collecting and collecting, probably for 2 weeks!  And it isn't very much, but what it is.... is something!  Who would have thought, this body of mine, could produce some milk!?  A whole 21 mL.  Even though it really isn't much, I have felt such a yearning to help to something for you on my part.  I do visit every day, and hold you as often as they will permit me to, but mostly I just to get to stand by and watch others bring you to health.  So, at least with this, no matter how sufferable it is to pump mostly dry wells, it is something I can do, it is some way that I can be proactive in this huge event and battle of your life.  And they aren't so dry, them wells, and when you are home, I hope they will overfloweth (my analogy is turning biblical sounding, ha! But meant to sound awesome!)

   You drank it up, certified Sarrah Cronin milk! Your brother and sister got that stuff and turned out pretty great!  It wasn't enough to fill you up, so I also fed you some formula.  You had a nasty spell in between bottles.  But they expected that, since you are on your room air trial.  We had to put the oxygen prongs back in your nose or a minute or two, and you came right back it.  It was a scary one though, got me stressing.  But I fed you the second bottle, and burped you, and you maintained your SATs very well.  We had time to do Kangaroo care as well, and you were so totally exhausted from eating that you slept like a rock.  They are feeding you bottles ever other feeding!  You are breathing room air! Girl, you are amazing! A fighter, a champ!  It is amazing how much love I have for you, it is overflowing.... like my wells soon! (I'll stop that joke here :D )

  Meme came to see you this evening and the nurse let her hold you! She said she held you for about 40 minutes.  You seem to find a way to crawl into everyones hearts, so instantly.  You have so much family that just loves you so much!  They all can't wait to meet you!  Be strong my girl, and come home soon! (But not too soon! Just when those lungs are working and you stop having spells! ;) )

After some Milk and Kangaroo care, you were a pretty happy camper!

*June 14, 2016    Weight 2.043 Kg ( 4 lbs 7.9 oz)

  Look at you big girl! Growing like a weed!  Your isolette got moved closer to the window, so I was a little surprised when you weren't at your normal pod.

  You had your eye exam this morning.  I didn't receive a call from the Nurse Practitioner or the Doctor, and around here, no news is good news!  The nurse mentioned that you had tolerated it well, you didn't have any spells since she got there at 11:00 am.  The night nurse said you had one spell at 9:00 pm last night, but hadn't had any since then.  Your poor little eyes were still dilated when I got there. You are still on room air, and haven't been on the oxygen since yesterday!

  Today was exciting because I got to give you your first bath!!  Tomorrow you are six weeks old, but haven't had a bath! You were pretty ripe ;)  First I did Kangaroo care with you, then I fed you your bottle.  You had a little bit of a spell, but recovered quickly.  You drank 41 mL, you always drink pretty good for Mama!    After you ate, you were pretty alert. I could tell your little eyes were sensitive to the light, so I tried turn you away from the window.  We put you into your isolette and got some warm water and gave you a little sponge bath.  You didn't cry, I think you kind of liked it.  You always have a concentrated look on your face when you experience new things, like baths and bottles. You precious hair was able to part to the side.  I bet it felt good to bath and be all clean.  I fit a lot of things into that two hours.

  Your little neighbor, she makes me sad.  First her family was no where to be seen, and wouldn't return phone calls.  The nurses have told me plenty of babies are abandoned in the NICU. My heart just broke!  These little warriors, fighting their hardest battle, and are left alone to do it themselves.  Well, her parents came today, and she was being discharged.  She is the most beautiful little girl, but she has neurological problems.  As I held you today, I heard the Neurologist try to break the news that baby girl over there, part of her brain isn't working, the part of the brain that makes you a person.  She has the "function" part of her brain, to tell her body to breathe, eat, blink, heart beat.  But the other part, that makes you think and feel and be who you are, was damaged.  How do you take that kind of news?  They were real calm, I am not sure they understood.  My heart broke for them, and for that baby.  I hope they will love her regardless, and do what they need to.  Her life expectancy was maybe 15 years.  I sat in sorrow for them, and held you closer.  Miss Ellie Jane, I will love you forever, come what may.  You were sent to us from Heavenly Father, there was a bit of a detour, but you got to us.  Your Birth Mother, I haven't spoken here a lot about, but she is amazing and she loves you so much.  She is a very big part of your story.  I will never be able to fully express to her the gratitude I have for the eternal gift she gave to our family.  You will always be loved and cherished, no matter what!

  There was talk of you graduating the NICU floor and go upstairs to the less intensive care unit.  That is great news that you are doing so well for that to be spoken of during rounds.  But I have become friends with so many of the nurses, and I know that you are in such great care with them, that it kind of made me a little sad.  But it is a huge triumph that you may be home sooner than later.

Love you sweet Ellie Jane!

We brought some cookies for all the
awesome people that help you grow!

The picture is bad coloring, I promise you look good and pink!

It's hard to want to wake you when
you sleep so deep like this!

Thinking about your bath

You can see your dilated eyes here. But you are feeling pretty fresh after your bath!

so concentrated!

Fresh and clean!

Week Five with Ellie

NICU

Week 5

*June 1, 2016----Weight 1.416 Kg

   4 weeks old! I can't believe it has been 28 days in the NICU! Your gestational age is 33 weeks.  Technically if you reached all your benchmarks : 5lbs, eating and breathing on your own, you could be home in 2 weeks, because you will be 35 weeks (gestational age).  I want you home! But two weeks seems kinda fast! I am not sure you will reach all those things, but, by golly, you are going to try! Today you are 1 gram away from being 3 lbs 2 oz, so by this time I am writing, I am sure you have gained a gram, so I am calling it 3 lbs 2 oz!  You aren't playing, once you hit that 3 lb mark you are running to that 4lb mark! Skin to skin went really well today.  You have a new neighbor in the NICU, a big old boy, he is 4 lbs 12 oz! Looks like a giant compared to you. His Mom looked so young, was real nervous in the way she held him.  But she loved him so.  It is so neat to see the Mothers that come to the NICU, their love and devotion to those little ones all around you. It is a tough battle, but it is comforting for those babies to know that they are not alone, in this, their hardest battle of their lives.  I hope you feel that way Eliana, I look forward to seeing you and holding you every day (even when your poopy diaper leaks onto my belly).  I am in this fight with you. You are not alone!  And you have the world's greatest big sister AND big brother!

Addie sure loves her new shirt!

* June 2, 2016   Weight 1.435 Kg

   4 Weeks and One day!  Just growing gram by gram!  They upped your feedings to 29 cc of formula, and you are tolerating it well.  Since your gestational age is 33 weeks, they are motivated to get you off the high flow oxygen, to the low flow, so that you can begin bottle feeding in the next day or so! Geez, they keep you working! Kangaroo care was great today, for the first hour.  As we went passed the first hour, you began to get a little toasty and your heart rate went up and your sats down.  I know it is a lot for your body to learn, to breathe, to have your heart beating right, to control your body temperature!  But it still stresses me out too!  I know you technically shouldn't be breathing yet, you should still be cooking in a tummy, so I celebrate your victories!

Dreamy Girl

*June 3, 2016    Weight 1.420 Kg

   You dropped a little today in weight Miss Ellie Jane, let's not do that!
   
 I was running around trying to figure out this social security benefit for you. It is super stressful and all out of my control, I feel so much pressure to get it done.  We are waiting of the birth certificate to get things rolling and to get your social security number in place.  This was our first rodeo with adoption, and we have made some mistakes, and I have been very discouraged.  The social security office wasn't super helpful either and I left frustrated.

     But I came to see you..... and everything was ok, it was all worth it. I held you for kangaroo care and I angled you where we could look at each other.  For 10, maybe 15 minutes, we looked at each other, deeply into each others eyes.  It was so tender. Of course your eyes went a little crooked from time to time, but you tried so hard to look and focus, it was a precious moment.

    Though your being in the NICU is a stressful thing, in several different ways, from worries, to possible problems, to a & b spells,  to bills, to time away from my other kiddos, from all sorts of endless maddening possibilities.  The positive side outweighs all of it.  Of course I would have wanted you to finish growing in a belly because that is the best way to grow,  but the beauty of you being early is that I get to carry you the last 2 months of your "pregnancy".  I get to hold you skin to skin.  I can close my eyes and feel your little movements, similar to how they would feel with you in my tummy, even though you are on my tummy.  I get to feel and even hear your hiccups.  One of the things that hurt my heart the most was never being able to experience pregnancy again after the birth of Addie.   I was so tired of being hot and pregnant with Addie in the hot Mississippi summer, I had wished it to be over soon!  How I have regretted not taking the time to enjoy the magic of life growing inside of me!  This is such a tender mercy from our Father in Heaven, that I get to experience, in a different way, pregnancy again.  You have been growing in my heart for awhile, and now we get to grow together in the NICU, and for the rest of our lives into eternity.  Although this is a trial, it is laced with beauty and mercy, and for that, I am grateful.

Sleeping Beauty

Dad looks good in that tiny gown

Daddy's first time holding you!

I love this one. You were looking at Daddy so carefully

Proud Daddy

Day 30

* June 4, 2016    Weight 1.520 Kgs  (you gained 100 grams overnight!?!!) 3 lbs 5.4 oz!!

1 month old! 31 days in the NICU. Can't hardly believe it! They upped your feedings to 32 cc of formula.  You dropped some weight yesterday, but made up for it and then some today!  They are trying to wean you off the high flow oxygen, however you aren't having it. You like the extra oxygen.  But sweet girl, if you can get on low flow oxygen, out comes that feeding tube and in comes a bottle!  I promise you it is waaay better to taste your food then to get it inserted straight to your tummy!

  We did kangaroo care for about 1 1/2 hours.  You tolerated it very well.  There were a few times you dropped your sats, but came right back up.  You had one small brady cardia spell, but you recovered, slower than I would like.  Come on girl, for real, stop those ;)  We will have none of that when you come home (please!)

   The nurses always tell me what a crawler you are.  They will put you snuggly in one spot, and then they leave for a moment and you will be at a totally different spot in the isolette! Ha! Don't break out just yet!

1 month! I really can't believe it!
I've been thinking lately of that great song by Garth Brooks, "unanswered prayers". I've always loved that song, although I'm not a huge country fan. But, I think good old Garth may have gotten it a little wrong. Sometimes we pray for something so hard, that all we want to see is the end, and forget about the journey. We are blinded by our target, by our bullseye. What we may think are unanswered prayers, are really prayers just answered differently, and BETTER than we would have ever asked for. I'm pretty sure that was Garth's point. But nonetheless, I thank God for answered prayers, that are answered as He would have them, and not just me. His answers can far exceed our expectations.

Feeling refreshed after
Kangaroo care!

I wish we could put you in a cute onesie and put
this sticker on your belly.  But it may just
swallow you up it's so big and your are so small!

Plotting ways you can climb out of this joint!

In case you can't tell, I am excited that you are 1 month old! 

*June 5, 2016    Weight 1.630 Kg (110 gram weight gain!?!)  about 3 lbs 11 oz

Girl, what are they feeding you?! 2 days, 210 gram weight gain?!  If we could get you on low flow oxygen and a bottle in your mouth, we will be good! They have upped your feedings again to 32 cc.

  June 3 they did an ultrasound on your head again.  I didn't hear anything back from the Doctor, and no news is good news.  I asked the nurse about it, and she said everything looked within normal range, from what she read on the computer.  Which is good!

  Your eyelids have looked a little puffy, the last few times I have been up, I need to ask about that.  And your little face is very narrow.  That seems to be a 'normal' preemie thing. Daddy was a little concerned about it, but the nurses assured us that would correct itself.  Not that it would matter one way or the other to us! We will always love you, come what may!  I think you are beautiful and will continue to blossom even more!

   They had you down to 2 liters at 21% on oxygen.  You have been tolerating it pretty well.  The other day, you were not appreciating it.  But it is such a tricky balance.  They don't want you SAT-ing at 96-100% and they don't want you below 89%.  So we have to keep you between 90-95%.  You are doing your best.  It is just the sooner we get you off the high flow oxygen to low flow, we can start bottle feeding you! Today they removed the feeding tube from your mouth into your nose, and I can see your whole face finally!! And you are getting some chub on your face!  I love it!  You did very well today with Kangaroo care, even though they had lowered your oxygen.  You just slept and slept, peeked for a little bit at the beginning.  The stupid oxygen gets water in it and the bubbles of water kind of climb up into your nose, darn it, it causes you to sneeze the most precious sneezes though.  But it also seems to get your heart rate up some, and I don't like that!  Ack! So many things to stress and worry about in the NICU!  Good thing for hair coloring, because I might be grey by the time you get out!

Look at that chin chub!

Your arm is filling out!

Your back looks fuller

You are growing my girl!

* June 6, 2016     Weight 1.647 Kg

 Well, I think they gave me the wrong calculations for your weight yesterday... You were maybe 3 lbs 9 oz, and I think today you are 3 lbs 10 oz.   To get kilograms into pounds, you times the number, for example 1.647 x 2.2.... which give you pounds. That would equal: 3.6234.  the .6234 is not ounces, that is still pounds. So you multiple 0.6234 by 16 (16 oz in a pound), which equals 9.9744. So you are really 3 lbs 9.9744 oz.... we could just round to 10!  So yesterday you were really 3 lbs 9.376 oz. So, anyhow! Now that our math is out of the way!! That is how much you weigh.

Anyhow, so you gained some.  Today I came in and you were still on 2 liters of oxygen but at 26 %. You aren't tolerating them trying to lower your oxygen.  When I arrived, the nurse was away getting your lunch, and your dropped and had a brady cardia and apnea spell. I kind of rubbed on your belly.  The nurse returned and said that you had a few self limiting spells.  During Kangaroo care you had a few more.  I had a hard time relaxing, because all I could do was fret about your heart rate and your SATs constantly dropping.

   I have noticed that you have had swelling in your eyelids that last few days.  I asked about that, and they told me it could be from the oxygen?  Hopefully that will resolve when you will let them lower you to low flow!

   One sweet thing is when I was humming today to you, you would almost try to hum along with me. With a little moaning/grunting noise. It was sweet.  I had a babysitter with your brother and sister, so I couldn't stay much longer than the kangaroo care.  Later the NP called to update me and said you had had 8 a&b spells today, but they were self-limiting, meaning you came back up on your own.  How that makes me sweat and stress and be nervous!  The bulk of my prayers will be devoted to you breathing and beating like you should!  I have faith in you!

Your little head is so long!

You are looking chunkier!

*June 7, 2016    Weight 1.758 Kg (3lbs 13.8 oz!)

  You are just getting all chunky girl!! Keep it up! However you are struggling with the oxygen! They upped you to 2.5 Liters at 24 %.  You are not liking them trying to lower it on you.  There isn't a rush!  You technically aren't supposed to be breathing yet... you technically should still be in a tummy (I am sure I have said this before)  So the victory is that you are breathing!  So, take your time and develop!

  Today's kangaroo care was much better than yesterday. It was very stressful yesterday with all your a & b spells. You had a few moments when your Sats dropped but they were self limiting.  Today you opened your eyes and we were able to look at each other for a while.  I love to see your eyes open and look around. It is truly the window of your soul!  You moaned and grunted along with me humming again, it so so precious!

   Your sweet little eyes sure have been puffy lately.  They say that is pretty normal for a premature baby.  But it still makes me sad! It could be the oxygen or just that she needs to be repositioned or just part of being premature. I just hope it doesn't hurt or bother you!

You feeding tube came out of your nose today, so the nurse needed to put it back in.  She was struggling a little, so she got some sugar water, and dripped it into your mouth.  You liked that! And then she had you suck on your binky and dripped a little more in, your eyes opened and you were so happy about it! You tolerated her putting the feeding tube in, with many sneezes!  I love you so much!  Looking back on yesterdays pictures, you color looked bad! I am glad they gave you more oxygen!  " you're skin and bones, grow into something beautiful!" Grow my sweet, all the little parts of you!

I love your hair! You look like your brother and sister!
They both had a lot of hair as babies!

Look at that chin!!!

You holding that binky in! Look how sweet you look!