Life in the 'sipp: August 2016

I apologize for my delay in blogging! Not that I expect that a whole too many people really read this, but it has been such a great journal for me, and I don't want to get out of the habit of it. My Mom has been in town, and so I took the moments to enjoy the time that I had with her here, instead of blog. But, I have decided to just write out in sections the things that have been happening, to get caught up!

Returned Missionary Visits....

Harvey!

Evans!

McElderry!

Canaan!!

We have had in the past month, several awesome visits from missionaries that served there mission here in the south. It is so great to see such special people who we formed incredible bonds with while they were here and on. Thomas was ward mission leader for a while, and I have been Relief Society president for a spell, so that allowed us to form these relationships with these missionaries, and for that I am grateful! Each life that touches ours for good, right!?! Some missionaries have just become a part of our family. And I am so grateful that they have kept true to their word to keep in touch!

School Started!

In the midst of all the excitement of Ellie coming home, school decided to throw us a wrench and start! I won't lie, I am a little concerned how to juggle it all. Night time feedings, waking up these two to get ready and get out the door on time. It will be tricky, but we got this! Luckily my Mom arrived a few days before school started to help with this, the timing couldn't have been more perfect.

Addie started Kindergarten! She is 6 years old, yes, we decided to get some preschool under her belt first, I think it was a good plan, it's better to be the oldest than the youngest in your class, right?! It is better to get your driver's license before your friends, not the next year?! Right?! I mean, let's not get too far ahead of ourselves, that is a good 10 years away! We went to meet the teacher, and she got Miss Granger. However, Ms. Granger had a baby this summer, so won't be there for the next few weeks. So for now, Addie's teacher is Ms. Pickle! Gotta love that name! It was a lot for her to take in, her new class and everything.

This summer we had a little jumpstart school, just to help her feel what school is like. It turned out badly. She cried almost every day I took her. She puts the tears on for me, and it is terrible. Once I leave, she is fine! The master manipulator! I worried that if I walked her in to school on the first day it would start the same drama. And with Ellie being home, and in tow, it just couldn't be. So, I felt guilty, but never mentioned that it was an option for me to walk in with her. We drove up and we were staying super positive. The lady opened the door and Addie climbed out like a champ. Once out, she realized she didn't give me a hug and a kiss. The lady looked annoyed, but we opened the door and got one last love before she walked through those big doors. She got to the doors and paused a little. They were waving me to drive on. Maybe I made a mistake, my poor little girl on her own to find her class. She entered in, and they still waved me on. Traffic was crazy slow. My heart sunk, I should have taken her in, I'm a bad mom. I looked again, and saw that someone, a teacher, had her by the hand taking her down the hall. Relief! She was going to be fine! I can't believe she is in Kindergarten. Pick up was insane! It took an hour and 15 minutes in car rider line before I was able to get her. Again, so glad my Mom was in town, that would have not been good with a little baby in the backseat!

Addie saved her meltdown for me the next week, day 4 of Kindergarten. She had eaten Nutella on toast and drank apple juice for breakfast. The combination gave her a sour burp, while we were driving to drop her off. Suddenly her tummy hurt (this happens often when she doesn't want to do something). And then the truth came out, I don't like school, I don't want to go. All my reassurance was not reaching her. Her meltdown had arrived, we pulled up and the lady wouldn't assist her out, it would have been better if she had, this was just for me. I pulled over, tried to have a conversation about school, and how it is not an optional thing. Against my better judgement, I walked her in, but with a promise that this would be the only time this would happen (or else it would be a daily cry session.) I thought up a new incentive to get her to go, let's hope it works! I really think she loves it! At least she does when I pick her up. I wonder if someone else dropped her off if this would be a problem. My friend, Bethany, used to drop her off to preschool and NEVER had a problem. She saves her fits for me....how sweet.

Porter is a 6th grader!? I can't believe it. I remember very clearly 6th grade! So it is surreal to be a mother of one! 6th grade is Junior High prep, so they have several classes and a schedule and instantly I worry! He still seems like my little buddy, obsessed with frogs and playing outside. We went to meet his teacher, and she seems nice, Ms. Cade. I didn't meet his other teachers, but let's hope they are kind too! He is getting so tall, and changing, maturing, it is fun to see.

Getting him off the first day was easy, pick up for him took forever too! I was in line for a total of 2 hours 15 minutes for pick up that day! Ugh! Luckily, my friend has a son Addie's age and a daughter Porter's age, so she will pick up at one, and I will pick up at the other. That is so much better. I don't know what I would do if I had to do both. I know Ellie wouldn't like it! Again, so glad my Mom was in town!
It is so cute though! Porter has never cared about matching or his clothes. He basically would grab the tshirt on the top of the drawer and the shorts that were at the top, patterns, colors, styles didn't matter, it was all convenience. Well, each night, he asks me about the outfit he pulls out for the next day. I try to be real nonchalant about it, but it warms my heart that he actually cares this year! He isn't pleased that they make him tuck in his shirt, but he still follows the rules. He is growing up so fast! He will turn 12 next year! He will get the priesthood and be a Deacon!? It is hard to believe!

Ellie stayed nice and comfy as I took the kids to their first day of school

Grandma Sally

I really have to take a moment to honor my Mom. I am so grateful that she came. The timing of her visit was perfect! We weren't sure when Ellie would be home, I had always thought she would have been home before her due date, but she had her own plan. My Mom had looked at dates to fly in, around the fourth of July, around her due date, and yet Ellie wasn't close to discharge. We decided maybe we would have her come after we had settled a little with Ellie and when school would be started. It proved to be perfect in timing. It was definitely the time that I needed her the most.

She helped me get Ellie on a reliable schedule. I had never believed in schedules with Porter or Addie, they were on demand feeders. But since they were both exclusively breastfed, I feel like schedules were not as necessary. The milk was always ready and there. The hospital had her on a 4 hour schedule, we just needed to get her to stay on it.

Ellie is a very loud, grunty baby. She doesn't cry a ton, but she makes lots of noises as she goes to sleep and as she wakes up. Porter and Addie are so impressed by how much noise she can make without opening her mouth. I had a little rocking bassinet in my bedroom, but learned quickly that she couldn't sleep next to me or I would never sleep. I am so keyed to wake up at any noise to take care of her, that her consistent grunts and noises kept me up too much. She needed to be in her crib, but she shares that with Addie. The first morning I put her in there, Addie woke up unusually early, from Ellie and her noises. My friend assured me that Addie would learn to sleep through the noises, because unlike me, she has no responsibility to take care of Ellie. I decided to trust her on that! Plus Thomas needs his sleep too. I need my sleep! But I need a happy and healthy and alive baby! All the apnea and brady cardia spells had me nervous. We had purchased an Owlet Monitor, which has been a great thing to have. I put it on her at night and it will alarm if she has a drop in her heart rate or oxygen saturation. It is basically a pulse oximeter, and the same technology as the hospital. So, it gives me some relief, that she is still breathing and her heart is still beating while I am asleep.

Ellie has had a few episodes while she has been home. They are a little bit scary. I was hoping she was over those completely, but she isn't. The monitor I have is only for sleeping, if she is too wiggly, it can't pick up her readings. But, I can tell visually that she is having an episode. It usually occurs after she eats. She does some weak coughs and kind of goes limp. Her eyelids turn blue, like a blue eyeliner. The times I have seen it, I rub her chest and try to wake her up. One day her eyes kind of jiggled or clicked.... that one scared me. I called the Dr. to see what to do. They decided to treat it with Zantac, that maybe her episodes are related to reflux. Since taking the Zantac, I haven't noticed any more spells. One day my friend Jenilara had come by to see Ellie and she had an episode, I could tell it freaked her out a little. They spells don't last really long, but it is obvious that something is happening. I hope beyond hope, that her episodes will be a thing of the past.

But, my Mom was a champ. Taking some night shift feedings. I still breastfeed Ellie first and then finish her off. I was so impressed that she was able to latch on the first day she came home, after being in the NICU for 90 days. But I happily skipped a few breastfeeding moments for extra sleep, while my Mom fed her a bottle.
Sally (My mom) has been a jewel all this week! She even had one of her painful gall bladder episodes, which was horrible for her. I felt helpless, and I am sure she would rather have been in her own space being that sick. No more El Sombrero for her! But Sally, as I like to call her on occasion, was amazing all week! Waking up at night, taking shifts, has been a blessing. I was able to go teach my class all this week, which was nice to get out and feel a little more human. You know when you are cooped up for too long, you feel weird. I was able to go to Church and my meetings. And the pictures, oh the pictures! My Mom is an amazing photographer, and has such a talent for it, as you will see. I need to take a picture of her taking a picture, because that is her look! She is 100% confident and happy behind the camera. Occasionally we can get her in front of it.
I really don't know how I would have survived this first week of school without her. What a great sacrifice she made coming here. She is a great Mom. She is amazing with babies, heck she had 8 herself, she knows what she is doing. She brought the new movie that she wrote for us to watch on a special screener's copy. Check it out this Christmas.... "The Christmas Project", it is super cute! And nothing like watching a Christmas movie in the dead humid heat of August! Makes me very excited for when we go home, to Utah, for Christmas. I can say enough how thankful I am that my Mom came when she did. And now I truly understand the beauty of a nanny! ;)

Blessing Day!

August 14, 2016 Eliana Jane Cronin's Blessing Day!

Ellie was blessed Sunday evening, August 14, 2016. We decided to do it at home, instead of during Sacrament meeting because Double was out of town until Sunday evening, and it would be my Mom's only Sunday in town. We invited some family and friends to attend. It was a very special evening and day!

Such an Angel!

I had meetings Sunday morning, so Grandma Sally once again stepped up to get all the kids ready and to stay home with Ellie, while I took Porter and Addie to church. I want to limit Ellie to germ exposure, although so much I want to show her off to everyone! But her health and safety is most important. So, she will stay away from church for a little while longer. Maybe once she receives the shot that is suppose to prevent RSV. I am always careful with my babies and going to church too early. Not that the church is covered in germs, but sometimes people come to church sick, instead of stay home. And I have to protect her even more so because of her prematurity.

Ellie's blessing was very tender. Heavenly Father has so many wonderful things in store for her. She has an amazing life ahead of her and I am so honored to be a part of that. So many rich blessings in store for her. I was able to bear my testimony after the blessings. I kept it short, to keep myself from blubbering. My emotions are close to the surface, I am overcome with gratitude for the amazing blessings in my life. I wanted everyone there to be able to understand me, so that is why I kept it short. But I am so grateful for the amazing support system of family and friends that surround me and my precious family. Sometimes I feel so unworthy of all the wonderful people in my life who love me so, in spite of all my short comings. We sang "Families can be Together Forever" It was simple and beautiful. Although it was different to have the blessing at home instead of at church, I really enjoyed it. It's a day we won't forget!

Loving big brother

Those who attended, Grandma Sally hidden behind the camera!

Sisterly Love <3

First Smile!

So...... this happened!

So you might think, that is just gas in her sleep, and I might just agree, but the next day she looked at me and smiled the sweetest yet shortest smile ever! According to her adjusted age of 4 weeks, this is a little bit early... but I won't complain!

Cardiologist Follow Up Appointment

We went to the cardiologist to follow up with the little holes in Ellie's heart. They are still there, but they have become smaller, so that is good. There is nothing we need to do at this point, just follow up in 3 month to see if her body takes care of them... here's hoping and praying for that!

Fun Photos!

Enjoy the beautiful photos by my talented Mama!

*August 3, 2016 Weight 8 lbs 14 oz

I can't promise that I will continue on keeping daily log of Miss Ellie, but I will try to keep blogging about the many changes, challenges and highlights of our family, currently completed by Miss Ellie joining us!

But Ellie is 13 weeks old today! And it is really Day 1 out of the NICU. Day 1 of being home! We were able to, as a family, go to Ellie's first Dr appointment. She did well! It was a first rough night, Miss Ellie makes some many loud grunting sounds when she sleeps, I stayed up most the night. It will be an adjustment, that's for sure. Ellie loves all the extra attention she receives from her brother and sister! They are helpful, sometimes to a fault, but most times I appreciate it!

no filter

There are so many other things I want to document about our adoption journey, some things just can't be, because they are too sacred, too special and I must respect the wishes of the birth family as well. But there have been mighty miracles and wonders, so much that I would never deny the existence of God and His hand in our lives, in all the details. And though we grow weary of our trials, that doesn't mean he will stop blessing us, we just sometimes need to readjust our focus in tune with His. I have felt his angels bear me up. I noticed something special today. Years ago I planted a peace rose in honor of my Grandma Hiller. I have struggled to take care of it, it seems to be half dead most the time. When I miscarried, I buried that little piece of tissue that came out, by the rose, to have some kind of closure to the loss there. Yesterday during the drive home the hospital I was stressed because I was alone with Ellie, and what if she stopped breathing?! I couldn't really see her or help her as I drove home. But I felt a calm. Like a presence of Gammy and Grandma Hiller and Grandma Lillian. And today, I noticed that the peace rose had bloomed one solitary rose. Maybe that sounds weird or cheesy, but it felt like a little confirmation, that those beyond the veil still reach out to help us, and are supporting us in our trials and our victories, are there to bear us up.

It's going to be an adjustment with a new baby and a bigger family, and me and Thomas being outnumbered. But it has been such a rich blessing with so many intricate details, I am so grateful for my Father in Heaven, and His mighty works and his great love, for someone as imperfect as me.

*August 4, 2016

I don't have a scale! But today is a big day! Addie turned 6 years old, she has been waiting her whole life for this birthday (it's a great 'dad' joke). I felt bad we couldn't have a party, so I tried to make sure we had plenty of fun available at home. Whether she had fun was up to her. We started with a scavenger hunt, to find all her presents. I made German pancakes, dyed blue, and the wicked buttermilk syrup was also dyed blue. We filled up her new pool and they played in that for a while. Porter helped her with her new Legos. They had popsicles that we made yesterday. We went through the drive thru for Chick Fil A. We all made the birthday cake. Thomas took Porter and Addie to Build a Bear. We ate the cake when we got home. It was a good day.

Ellie turned 3 months old today too. We are having some rough nights with sleep, mostly just me. I feel like the NICU probably messed up her schedule having constant lights on, only turning them off twice a day for an hour. She sleeps great during the day, which stinks for me, because Addie and Porter are up and at 'em. We will figure it out. Ellie is just so darn grunty and noisy when she stirs, that it is hard for anyone to sleep! We will figure it out soon enough. My Mom comes into town soon, hopefully I will get some naps in then!

*August 5, 2016

Last night was a rough night of sleep, oh boy! Hopefully we can turn around this sleep pattern. As she sleeps sweetly before me in the middle of the afternoon! Goodness.

The kids got to go to the pool with a friend. I should really utilize this time for a nap, but instead, I cleaned, rearranged cabinets, worked on my lesson for Sunday, and somehow, got on here to blog. What's the saying? I'll sleep when I'm dead?! I hope that is partly true! I want me some sleep.

Weekend----

I can already see that this blog isn't going to be an everyday thing, life has gotten busy! Newborns are hard! but we are improving everyday!

Happy Birthday !

We had a fun weekend, Ellie got to meet more family. We had a party at Meme & Double's house on Sunday, to celebrate Addie's birthday and Kelsey's. We had a super special visitor from out of town, really just a returning friend.....Canaan! Elder Canaan, well, former Elder Canaan, currently Stephen.... but forever I think I will only be able to call him Canaan and he brought his room-mate, Elijah (from New Zealand, cool) to show him the south. It is always good to see Canaan!

Canaan! :)

Sunday was a little tricky. I don't want to expose Ellie to all the germs that like to live at church amongst small children ;) So Thomas went to Sacrament and I was able to come and teach my lesson for Relief Society. It will be nice when Ellie is big enough to come to church and meet everyone. But I know I need to be extra careful with her.

We are all getting a little cabin fever, being at home, stuck at home. Poor Porter and Addie. Luckily I just bought an antenna, so we can watch the summer Olympics at least, we don't have cable, we usually just watch Netflix, Hulu, or Amazon. It is nice to see live TV.... can't say it is nice to have commercials.

I think we are starting to get a hang of things. I know it will be nice to have Porter and Addie in school, mostly for their sake to get out and be amongst the land of the living. However, I must say, they have been very helpful to me, when I need to shower, go to the bathroom, or work out for a moment. My Mom comes Wednesday, so that will be nice!

All and all, I think we are kind of getting the hang of things. Bottles are really a pain in the booty, so much cleaning and sanitizing. We have been able to successfully latch and breastfeed, almost every feeding I offer her the breast first. I know I don't produce enough to sustain her, but she seems to love it and the bonding is priceless!